


the long way home

by babblesmarie



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec deserves to have friends, Alec has custody of Max, Drama, Exes, Family Court Lawyer!Magnus, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Magnus deserves to be loved, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The Accident, Waiter!Alec, dealing with traumatic experiences, mentions of injury, past toxic relationship, you think you know the side relationships but I can guarantee you don't
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2018-12-17 14:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11853549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babblesmarie/pseuds/babblesmarie
Summary: Alec Lightwood is a family man. As the eldest and the legal guardian of his younger brother Max, he feels the need to take responsibility for what goes on in his family. He works hard and tries to be a good role model but at the end of the day he can’t help but think it isn’t enough.Magnus is a lawyer with an ex-wife from hell and an annoying soft spot for a particular misfit family. He has friends and a good job, but he’s two years out of a horrible relationship with nothing to show for it.Neither one wants or needs a relationship, but there’s a gravity there that can’t be ignored.





	1. the way you've been going

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a re-done and hopefully re-vamped version of what used to be called "waiting for this." I started writing "waiting for this" about a year ago, but due to a multitude of reasons I stopped. For anyone who had read and enjoyed the first version, I sincerely hope that this is better in terms of story and in writing.
> 
> Tags and notes will be updated as needed with each update.
> 
> The song for this chapter is: 5AM by Amber Run

The trick to waiting tables happened to be selling one's soul and sacrificing all human emotion. The restaurant's fancy demeanor had no effect on the childlike manners of the patrons, napkins absorbed entire glasses of wine and shitty tips gathered moisture under unfinished glasses of water all the same. Alec sighed as he rolled up his sleeves, already functioning on auto-pilot.

The closing shift was never much hassle. Alec worked with an amicable cast and the early drunks rolled in, slipping boozy singles into his apron as he passed. Middle aged men and women seemed to have a weakness for his hazel eyes and the black tattoos peaking up from under the standard white dress shirt. The only downside to working the closing shift was that he wouldn't be home in time to see his brother unless the teen happened to stay up late to cram for a test.

Alec didn't like the days where he and Max barely got to say a word to one another and between work and school, those days were far too often for Alec's liking.

Alec wiped down his tables and pulled the dirtiest of the table cloths off to be washed with perfunctory ease. Chairs went up, floors were swept, mopped, and swept again. The other two waiters had left with the last of the customers, claiming illness and school work. Cleaning up alone never bothered Alec, being the calmest part of the night and all. He preferred it, even. The silence was welcoming and after spending the day catering to the needs and wants of the rich and famous picking up trash and detail cleaning was easy enough.

The dishes, however, could go straight to hell. Technically the kitchen staff was in charge of washing dishes, but an elderly couple had stayed well past closing to finish up and Alec felt bad for them. He regretted his sympathy for his coworkers as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. The bright lights and heat were far from the comfort of the cool, darkened dining rooms. The kitchen itself always instilled a feeling of anxiety into Alec. He was overly cautious of how he stepped, wary of tripping up a chef and subsequently sending food, knives, fire, and God knew what else flying.

Alec carried the dishes to the sink and ran the water, throwing on a pair of yellow gloves and avoiding his chatty coworkers. They didn't intentionally exclude him but they made no great fuss when he refused to speak up first. It was better that way, Alec thought. He wasn't trying to make friends. As Alec worked, though, he couldn't help but overhear snippets of the conversation happening around him.

“Did you hear about the boss' new investment?” asked Raj, a chef and one of the only people Alec remembered anything about. He was a cocky guy and always bringing up his ex-girlfriend who had done him dirty. “She bought out that old diner and then sent the elderly owner packing.”

“Raj, you know I don't like to gossip.” said Lydia, the night manager and professional hardass. If there was a list of people Alec respected, Lydia would be somewhere at the top.

The dishes were finished and Alec turned in time to see Raj lean across the counter and challenge Lydia with a grin. “But?” he asked, drawing out the question.

Lydia sighed. “But I think—and neither of you repeat this—I just think it a little unfair of Camille to not rent the space out to him.”

Raj's grin was replaced with a look of distaste for their boss. “That's a bit of an understatement.”

Alec was content to sit back and listen to the two of them talk but Raj was in the mood to gossip. “What do you think of our dear employer, Lightwood?”

“No comment,” Alec said, earning him an exasperated sigh and a knowing smile from his coworkers.

In all honestly, Alec didn't think too highly of Camille Belcourt. She was Medusa in a spotted fur coat, gifted with enough power and money to start her own empire. It wasn't surprising that she'd kicked an elderly tenant out of his job and home of fifteen years.

“Blink twice if she's sent you to spy on us and you can't say anything bad about her for fear of losing your job.”

Alec blinked twice with a deadpan stare, much to Raj's amusement.

“All right you two. Help me finish up so we can all go home and sleep.”

Finishing up consisted of wiping down the kitchen and throwing the dishes in the dishwasher to be sanitized, as well as cleaning and locking up the bathrooms and office. By the time Lydia locked the door it was already past midnight.

Alec bade his coworkers goodnight and sat on the curb to change into his sneakers for the walk home. Typically Alec would borrow Max's bike or skateboard when he worked so late, but he felt that it was more than a little juvenile for an adult in his twenties to skateboard to and from work. So he walked.

The cool night breeze sifted through Alec's work shirt and tossed his hair in every direction. The streets were blissfully abandoned so late, allowing Alec to enjoy his walk home without any distractions. Much like the empty dining rooms, the walk gave Alec time to breathe without anything being expected of him. There was no one to talk to, to make awkward eye contact with.

The distance between Alec's apartment and the restaurant would have only taken ten minutes to travel by car if only Alec could gather the courage to renew his driver's license. The apartment complex he lived in was only a short walk from everything he needed, however, so it wasn't like not having a license was a real hindrance of any sort. Max walked to school with his friends and occasionally took the bus and Alec walked, biked, or skated wherever he needed to go. Neither brother commented on the extra work, not even when they lugged groceries in paper bags half a mile from the grocery store and then up four flights of stairs.

The lobby looked the same as it always did, in all of it's gritty glory. Mailboxes, worn suede couches, the perpetually locked superintendent's office. Alec didn't stop to take it in, he just began climbing stairs. Four flights hardly took effort anymore. Seven or eight might make him break a sweat, but four was a cake walk.

Alec and Max's apartment sat in the middle of the hall, with an old cat lady to one side, a drug dealer on the other, and a police officer directly across. Not an ideal set up by any means, but it had been their home for five years. Alec unlocked the top, middle, and second to last locks, and pushed the door open.

In terms of décor, the apartment suffered terribly. Old milk crates served as bookshelves and a small coffee table sat in between the couch and the television. A couple of barstools and framed pictures and drawings made up the rest. The mess only added to the shabby look of the already crappy apartment.

Clothes of various states of cleanliness had been draped over the back of the couch, coffee cups and textbooks and crates were stacked precariously in piles. Papers and files were abandoned in more crates and shoes discarded in another. Neither Alec nor his brother were the neatest members of their family and it showed.

Alec kicked off his shoes and picked his way through the living room, reaching the kitchen with only minimal struggle. He turned the coffee pot on, having set it up before he left, and opened the fridge. Pizza and coffee didn't go together by any means but Alec had eaten stranger combinations. Working late left little time for making proper meals, which was a shame, really. There was a simple pleasure in knowing how to cook that Alec indulged in as often as he could, but it was still far too irregular for his liking.

The abrupt sound of music in the hall meant that Max was awake and emerging from his room so Alec pulled down two mugs and sat them next to the pizza box.

Max looked awfully similar to Alec, who in turn looked like their mother. Dark messy hair, warm eyes, and a permanently judgmental face. They even wore the same wire-framed glasses, though Alec's were tucked away on his bedside table.

“You're home late,” Max said. He had a no-nonsense attitude at times, much like his brother. Straight to the point, no ifs-ands-or-buts.

“Yeah, some couple stayed until after closing and we still had to clean up.” Alec bit into his pizza and sighed. Worrying his little brother was the last thing he wanted to do. “I meant to call but I guess things got away from me.”

“Oh.”

Max looked every bit as tired as Alec felt and his heart twinged. Max's only duty was to keep his grades up, but the circles under his eyes seemed like a permanent bruise that a fourteen year-old shouldn't have to bear.

They sat in silence, drinking coffee and sitting at the bar late into the night. Neither brother slept well, both haunted by the same dreams that neither wanted to face. The scene was familiar, two brothers who had nothing to say but not wanting to be alone. By the time three AM rolled around Max had started falling asleep against his hand. Alec stretched and tapped his brother's shoulder with a gentleness he rarely showed to anyone else. “I think it's bedtime.”

Max pushed his hair back only for it to fall back into his face. Alec noted fondly that he needed a haircut and he knew that Max would also refuse one up until the moment Alec had a pair of scissors in his hands.

“Goodnight, Alec.”

“Goodnight.”

Over the years Max had become more independent, but to Alec it seemed like yesterday that the boy couldn't sleep without Alec by his side. The two were inseparable for the entire summer after Max came to live with Alec. He was nine and had a soul so broken Alec was afraid it would never heal. They were still close, but their relationship had changed drastically. Now that Max was a teenager Alec had a harder time understanding how to be there for the kid. When Max was young all it took was a hug and kind words, but now he kept to himself more, bottling things up and leaving them to fester.

Alec hated to admit it, but that was entirely his fault. No matter how much he encouraged his brother to talk about his feelings, Alec couldn't lead by example. He was a private person at heart. He looked after others when they needed it and if he forgot about what _he_ needed, well that just came with the territory of being a big brother.

Alec cleared away the mugs and empty pizza box before he locked the door and made his way to his own bedroom. He left the door ajar and climbed into bed without taking off his clothes. He needed to do laundry anyway. Alec hadn't noticed how tired he was until he closed his eyes. He fumbled around for his charger, limbs heavy. He didn't check to make sure his phone was charging he simply nestled deeper into the bed with a sigh and let sleep wash over him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I very much appreciate any constructive criticism regarding my writing or the characterization of these characters.
> 
> Liked what you read? Want to see more? Comments go a long way! Tell me what you liked, what you didn't.
> 
> Update ETA: Within the week.
> 
> [histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com](https://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)


	2. silver threads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken from the song "Something New" by Axwell /\ Ingrosso. here is where my heart belongs / silver threads among the gold
> 
> The song for the chapter is "Something New" by Axwell /\ Ingrosso
> 
> Chapter playlist:
> 
> 5 AM - Amber Run  
> Something New - Axwell /\ Ingrosso

Alec could never fully appreciate his days off. If it were up to him he wouldn't even have a day off, for all the running around and stressing he did hardly seemed like a break. So many things begged to be done and there simply were never enough hours in the day. Laundry, grocery shopping, constant phone calls; it took up all of Alec's time.

The laundromat also had the courtesy to always be packed on Alec's day off. All benches and chairs were occupied by everyone and their dogs, leaving Alec and Max to sit cross legged on the lids of the washing machines they were using. The sound of Max's game couldn't be heard over the noise the machines made but Alec could hum the background music from memory. They sat in relative silence, Alec occasionally abandoning his paperback to beat a level in Max's game for him.

Neither Alec nor Max made much of an effort to talk if they didn't want to, but as the sole caregiver it was Alec's responsibility to check in. Just because Max didn't offer any information didn't mean that he wouldn't if Alec asked.

“How was that test you had on Thursday? I forgot to ask.”

Max shrugged. “I think I aced it.”

“Well that's good.”

“Yeah the teacher was grading papers yesterday and told the class that only two people got one hundred percent of the questions right.”

“And you think you're one of the two?”

Max hummed and shook his game as a particularly challenging part came up. “Yep. I think it's me and Julian.”

“Tell you what, Julian can spend the night if you're right.”

Max looked up and smirked in a devious way that Alec didn't like at all. “Deal.”

Washing clothes only took a handful of hours and the brothers were lucky to snag a dryer without having to wait. They were out of the laundromat in record time, shoving their clothes into their backpacks and deciding on the long route home. They usually took the long way, walking through the park and stopping to watch the ducks for a minute or two. After visiting with the ducks, Max challenged Alec to a race across the bridge and they earned exasperated looks from an elderly couple lounging on a nearby bench. Alec thought the two of them must look ridiculous, but if anyone could convince him to act like a fool it was one of his siblings.

Max stopped at the crosswalk just outside the park and waited for Alec to catch up. Right across the street was Max's favorite bookstore and a second home to Alec. By the time Alec was close enough to see the storefront Max was vibrating with excitement, an endearing quality he hadn't lost despite growing up the way he had. “Can we?” he asked.

Alec nodded with a small smile. The bookstore was a quaint little thing with a small staircase leading to a second floor where the cafe was located. Jace—Alec and Max's adoptive brother—worked there with Clary, a family friend and the owner's step-daughter. At some point in their lives Alec's entire group of family and friends had worked at Jade Wolf Books. The owner was a family friend as well, a kind and generous man named Luke.

A little bell above the doorway chimed as Max pushed it open. He ran straight up the stairs without a care for the other patrons, backpack of clothes swinging around his lanky frame. Alec lingered on the lower floor for a moment, taking the time to greet the cashier and look around. The bookstore hadn't changed in all the years that Alec had known of it. Painted canvasses decorated the walls and dainty yellow curtains covered the front windows. It felt warm and inviting, the kind of place one could fall asleep in no matter the time.

Alec made his way up the stairs after he finished looking at the new arrivals on the first floor. The espresso machine hissed promisingly, but Alec's first thought wasn't coffee. He scanned the small crowd looking for a tangled mop of brown hair. Unsurprisingly, Max and Jace were at their usual table, talking more with their hands than their mouths. It was a habit the whole Lightwood family seemed to share.

Alec turned when someone called his name and he smiled in greeting when he saw Clary and her best friend Simon waving at him. He walked over and Clary handed him a to-go cup that smelled suspicious, like brown sugar and cinnamon rather than his plain black with no less than fifty sugar packets.

“About time you came to see us,” Clary said. She pushed her fiery, braided hair over her pale, freckled shoulder. “We were going to send out a search party after dinner.”

Holding his coffee close to his chest with one hand, Alec pulled Clary into a one-armed hug with the other. After an intense staring contest and an unfair pout from Simon, Alec hugged him too. The duo had become a permanent fixture in Alec's life when he was fourteen. He'd be lying if he said he didn't appreciate their easy-going friendship. Even if Simon had a tendency to ramble about the most absurd things and Clary was a pocketful of trouble at any given time.

“It's been a long couple of weeks,” Alec said.

Clary nodded in understanding and Simon nodded solemnly. “I feel you man,” he said. Simon was currently in college and appeared to be hating every minute of it. He looked tired and he either hadn't put much effort into dressing himself or he was intentionally wearing his _Spider-Man_ t-shirt inside out. It was Simon, so Alec honestly didn't know which.

Alec's friendship with Clary and Simon had been nonexistent when they'd first met but they grew on him throughout high school. They had stuck with him and his family through the various hard times in their lives, though. That counted for a whole lot in Alec's book.

Just then Jace and Max joined the group, both of them smiling wide and bright. Alec felt a smile of his own creep up as Jace tugged him into a hug, not minding the coffee in Alec's hand. Jace pulled back, squeezing Alec's shoulder several times before he had his fill. His blond hair was longer than usual and free of products. It looked soft so Alec ruffled it, causing his brother to huff and pull away to fix it.

“We really need to grab dinner sometime,” Jace said as he pulled a comb out of his pocket. “I feel like I haven't seen you guys in a month.”

For all of his shortcomings—and there were many—Jace had always been the person to hold Alec's head above water. Max and their sister Isabelle shouldn't have to comfort their older brother, but Jace had been catching Alec when he fell since they were children, his own personal safety net.

“I know and that's partly my fault,” Alec said. “Work has been driving me up the walls.”

“How's your restaurant?”

“Still not mine and still shitty, thanks for asking. You still working with Maia at the bar?”

“Much to her displeasure,” Clary joked, elbowing Jace in the ribs. “By the way, did Magnus show up at the restaurant last night?”

“Who?” Alec asked.

Clary rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Magnus? Bane? He's just the guy Isabelle and I've been telling you about for months now. He said he had some business there and was hoping he'd run into you.”

“Oh.”

It had become Alec's friends' sole mission in life to find him a boyfriend, and it never worked. Alec used to play along and go on dates but they all ended the same way. They were too interested or not interested enough. Or Alec pushed them away. Eventually he stopped humoring his friends and for the most part they had stopped trying so hard.

“You guys still trying to find Alec's soul mate?” Max asked. He sighed, his eyes rolling upwards. The look was so dramatic that Max could have only learned it from Jace. “I tried to get him to ask this one guy out at the grocery store, but no dice _._ ”

Everyone laughed. If even Max thought Alec needed a boyfriend then he was truly out of luck. Alec just sipped his coffee. If he didn't say anything one way or another they might drop the conversation entirely.

“I've met Magnus,” Simon said, looking sympathetic. “He's a pretty good dude, but it you want options I think Jordan and Maia broke up.”

Jordan and Maia had a very fraught relationship after Maia gave him a second chance. The bastard wasn't worth her graciousness and it was only a matter of time before he wrecked his chance. No one in the group liked Jordan and Jace even had to be yanked out of a fight with him just the other month.

Simon laughed when Alec pulled a face. “I was kidding.”

Alec stayed on the sidelines of the conversation. He was more than content to watch his family push each other around and joke together. The sun filtering in through the skylight was a pleasant feeling and Alec basked in the momentary reprieve from his hectic life. Clary and Jace had to return to work after too long and Simon had run off to the library where there were far less distractions so he could finish his paper.

Soft music played in the background and it startled Alec out of his almost-nap when he realized his phone was ringing. A selfie he had taken with his sister flashed across the screen.

“Gross,” Max said. “Who even has their ringer on these days?”

Alec pretended to glare at his brother as he answered the call.

“Hey, Izzy.”

“ _Today's your day off, right?”_ Isabelle asked without preamble.

“Yeah, Max and I are at Luke's store right now. Why?”

“ _We're having a family dinner. You're gonna cook and I'll buy the food and alcohol. Be here in an hour. Love you! Tell Max I love him, too.”_

“Love you, too,” Alec said, but Isabelle had already hung up.

Alec looked to his brother. “Looks like we're having dinner at Izzy's tonight.”

Max paled. “You wouldn't really do that to me.”

Alec stood, clearing the mess from the table. “Relax, I'm cooking.”

“Oh thank God.”

* * *

Isabelle shared a two bedroom apartment with Jace and Clary that was far too small for the party she was hosting. Her apartment was not only cleaner but much more stylish than Alec's. The furniture matched and there was not a crate in sight. He kicked off his shoes and breathed in the musky vanilla scent that trailed behind his sister wherever she went. He and Max weren't the first ones there. Maia's jacket was draped over the back of a dining room chair.

Alec didn't have to wait long for his sister to make an appearance. The minute she saw her brothers her face melted into something soft and vulnerable. Something fragile. She wrapped them in one big hug, the familiar whisper of _hermano_ in Alec's ear. He relaxed into the hug and pressed his face into his sister's hair for a moment, relishing in the comfort of her embrace.

“Have I mentioned that this family is so sickeningly sweet sometimes?” Maia asked, not entirely breaking the mood.

Alec pulled out of the hug and went to say hello. Maia was every bit a part of the family she complained about and she smiled brightly when Alec nudged her shoulder. “And how have you been, Maia?”

“Fantastic.”

Alec pursed his lips in thought. “I heard about you and Jordan.”

Maia's smile grew and only a small fraction of it was fragile and fake.  “That's why I'm fantastic.”

Alec grinned and followed Maia into the kitchen. She passed him a beer and poured herself a shot of something that smelled so strong Alec almost gagged. She leaned against the counter looking like the poster girl for punk rock from the choker around her neck to the mismatched Halloween socks on her feet. Isabelle and Max followed not long after, arm in arm.

“Any idea about what you want me to make?” Alec asked, surveying the groceries on the counter. He used the hem of his shirt to twist the cap off of his beer.

Isabelle hopped onto the counter. “I don't care, I'm more concerned about dessert.”

Alec rolled his eyes. Typical. “Is that so?”

“I've been totally craving that strawberry cream pie you and Clary made for Luke's birthday last year,” Izzy said with an all too sweet smile.

Alec remembered that pie and more specifically how Luke and Isabelle ate more than half of it by themselves. He set about putting away groceries and setting up what he needed for dinner and dessert while the girls caught up with Max.

“Have you met Magnus yet, by the way?” Isabelle asked.

Alec's eyes narrowed. _Magnus?_ He turned from the sauce he was making to look at his sister. “That's the second time I've been asked that today. What's going on?”

Isabelle and Maia shared a conniving look but neither was forthcoming with any information, which only served to confuse Alec further.

“What about you, Max? Is there anybody at school that you like?”

Max had the same reaction that Alec did whenever someone asked about his love life; exasperation with a touch of embarrassment. His cheeks colored but he glared in much the same way that his brother did.

“No.”

Again, Isabelle and Maia looked to each other. Max looked to his brother for help but Alec merely shrugged and left Max to fend for himself. It served the kid right for siding with everyone else when it was Alec on the other end of their prying questions.

Cooking was simple enough for Alec. He cubed chicken breasts and sauteed them with olive oil and a few spices as well as diced garlic and onions. He poured a butter and lemon sauce over the chicken and let it simmer. With the pot of pasta boiling away Alec was left to chop vegetables for a salad and toast a loaf of bread in the oven.

Right as Alec was draining the pasta there was a knock at the door, followed by the door opening and several people coming in. Isabelle went to greet her guests and soon the kitchen was packed with Clary, Jace, Simon, and Luke.

“Smells good in here, kids,” Luke said as he made his rounds.

Luke was a father figure to the entire group. As much as Luke loved everyone they loved him tenfold in return. Alec smiled as Luke got to him, clapping him on the shoulder and sneaking a taste of the sauce.

“Incredible as always, Alec.”

Alec shook his head. “How've you been, Luke? Max and I stopped by the store but we must have missed you.”

Luke shrugged. “Had some things to take care of. How's the job?”

Alec dumped the pasta back into the pot with a little olive oil and salt. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. “It pays the bills. For the most part, anyway.”

Luke's face turned serious and Alec knew the “dad routine” was making an early appearance. “If you ever need anything you know where to find me.”

Alec began his usual protest but Luke shushed him. “If anything you can pick up a shift or two at the store.”

Luke had always been there to help out when Alec needed it, whether it was a hand to pull him up or dinner at his place. He had been more of a father to Alec than his own and Alec didn't know how to even begin to express what he felt in that moment. “I appreciate it, Luke.”

Luke squeezed Alec's shoulder with a kind smile. “I know, son."

Jace and Simon were roped into hugs by Isabelle. Clary let everyone get their fill before she pecked Isabelle on the lips. Their relationship had been a surprise to Alec, as well as the ease they felt with demonstrating it. He had spent so many years trying to painfully suppress his own sexuality that it was odd to see his own siblings so comfortable with themselves. He was happy for them, of course, but he felt like he had been overreacting his whole life. Like nothing he had agonized over as a kid and teenager held any value.

Alec put the final touches on dinner and allowed himself to sit back and relax. The kitchen was far too cramped and people were tripping over and sliding behind one another to get where they needed to go, but to Alec it was one of the only places where he felt comfortable. This rag tag group of people was his family, his home. 

Alec was brought out of his thoughts by another knock on the door. He surveyed the room again and couldn't think of anyone else who might have been invited, except for maybe Maia's friend Bat or Isabelle and Simon's friend Raphael.

As it turned out, the person at the door was neither. Isabelle entered the kitchen with a man on her arm and Alec had to do a double take. He had come to terms with himself long ago, but only in an abstract way. He'd admired men before, but the man standing before him was twenty times as stunning as any other. There was something so gravitating about him that Alec couldn't look away.

Isabelle and the man walked up to Alec and she whispered something in his ear, causing him to grin so wide Alec thought it must hurt.

The man smiled impossibly wider when he looked Alec up and down. “You must be Alec,” he said, holding out his hand. “I'm Magnus.

Up close, Magnus was even more gorgeous. He was like something out of a celebrity magazine from the crisp way he dressed to his flawless makeup.

“I hope Izzy hasn't said anything too incriminating,” Alec said after he finally found his words. The amount of embarrassing things his sister might have told Magnus was far too worrying for Alec to think about.

Magnus leaned in and dropped his voice low, as though he were telling a secret. “I don't know what you consider incriminating, but I liked what I heard.”

The corners of Alec's mouth turned up of their own accord. He opened his mouth to say something else but he realized then that he and Magnus had stopped shaking hands, but that he had yet to let go. Alec dropped his hand and cleared his throat, looking away.

Isabelle had walked away while Alec and Magnus were introducing themselves and Alec saw her poking around in the food. He excused himself from Magnus, coming to stand beside her and pull on her braid. “Don't be impatient Iz.”

The food was done and with all of the guests having arrived Alec turned off the burner. He pulled the bread out of the oven and brushed butter onto it.

“Izzy why don't you start setting the table while I whip up your pie?” Alec asked. He pulled serving bowls from a cabinet and passed them to his sister.

“What pie?” Luke asked. Clary and Maia tugged him away from Alec before he could question the pie further. He really was a menace when it came to pie.

Isabelle took the food and Simon followed with plates and silverware while Alec started on the pie. It was a simple recipe that Alec had created by having no other food in the house. He mixed softened cream cheese with powdered sugar and whipped cream.

“So between cooking and making pie, is there anything you can't do?” Magnus asked. Alec startled, not knowing that Magnus hadn't joined the others at the table.

Alec glanced behind him before turning his attention to a bowl full of strawberries. His heart had jumped so hard he thought that the six cups of coffee he'd had were finally coming back to bite him in the ass “There's plenty I can't do.”

Magnus hummed inquisitively. Alec could feel his presence hovering behind him, just far enough out of Alec's personal bubble to be comfortable.

Alec crushed some of the strawberry slices in a separate bowl with a pinch of sugar. He folded the mixture into the cream cheese and laid it all into a pre-made graham cracker crust. The last of the strawberries were mixed in as well as laced across the top. Alec covered it all in whipped cream before he put the pie in the fridge.

“Looks pretty,” Magnus said. “I bet it tastes just as good.”

“Uh, thanks.”

Alec grabbed another beer and offered to pour a drink for Magnus before they joined their friends at the table. Alec wasn't surprised that they had already dug into the food without waiting. Conveniently the two open seats were closest to Alec and Magnus so they didn't have to scoot and twist past anyone to sit down.

“Thanks for the food, Alec,” said Simon, the only one who had the decency to take a breath between bites.

The conversation was pleasant and friendly, though Luke skirted around the topic of how the store was doing again. Isabelle mentioned her internship which everyone praised her for, though the conversation quickly took a turn for the worst when Simon brought up the most recent episode of a TV show everyone but Alec watched.

Magnus nudged Alec with his elbow after a moment. “I'm not sure I'm following any of this.”

Alec shrugged. “This happens every time we have dinner. Someone, usually Jace or Simon, brings up an old fight and they argue about it for hours sometimes.”

“Really?”

Alec grinned. “Yeah. I usually let them go at it by themselves. Just a heads up, if Luke gets involved things are going to get very loud.”

Magnus chuckled. “Luke and I have gotten into our fair share of friendly arguments. I know there's no winning.”

Alec turned a little in his seat. “How long have you known Luke? And basically everyone else?”

“Luke and I go back to when I was eighteen. He helped me out when I really needed it and I'll never be able to repay him.” Magnus cleared his throat. Alec knew from experience that Luke didn't want anything in return, but he supposed Magnus knew that as well. “As for everyone else, I've known Clary, Simon, and Maia just as long. Your siblings are a new addition as I met them only a few months ago.”

“Ah, so you haven't seen the worst of them yet,” Alec said with a grin.

Magnus stilled and turned to face Alec with a look of mock-horror. “There's worse?”

Alec turned his head to hide his smile, but his laugh was loud enough to turn a head or two away from the argument. “They're very strong personalities.”

Magnus' lips curled around the rim of his wine glass. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you a strong personality?” Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head. “I don't even know how to answer that. I'd like to think I keep them out of trouble for the most part.”

“So you're the responsible older brother?”

“I try.”

“I think it's admirable, really. Especially taking custody of Max.”

Magnus sipped his wine, but Alec froze. He didn't know that Magnus knew about Max. “Hm.”

Magnus must have noticed how Alec shut down because he set his glass aside with a frown. “I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was a sensitive topic.”

“It's not,” Alec lied. The food on his plate didn't look appetizing anymore. He grabbed his beer and his plate, but in the process of getting up he had drawn the attention from everyone else at the table.

“Is it time for pie?” Luke asked, momentarily breaking off from the argument. 

“Yeah, sure.”

Alec set his plate on the counter before bringing out the pie. It was small, but enough for everyone to get a piece. Luke made a show of distracting people and sneaking a bite off of their plates. It was a funny sight, everyone getting duped out of their dessert.

“Alec,” Magnus said around a bite of pie. “This is really good.”

“Oh?”

Magnus dipped his fork in for a second and third bite before he spoke again. “I know it's ridiculously simple but it's just so good.”

Luke glared from across the room. “Back off the pie, Bane.”

Magnus raised a hand in surrender, but it wasn't as convincing as it could have been with a fork hanging out of his mouth. One by one people finished off their dessert and attempted a civil conversation before Jace reignited their previous argument. Alec rolled his eyes as they took the conversation into the living room.

“You coming, Alec?” Max asked.

“I'm gonna clean up in here before Izzy regrets having us over.”

Max nodded and looked between Alec and Magnus, who had stayed back as well. He gave Alec a pointed look before he, too, disappeared into the other room.

Magnus had started clearing away abandoned plates and silverware.

“I can get these,” Alec said, attempting to take the dishes. Magnus held fast though, drawing them back to him.

“I'm sure you can, but I'd like to have you to myself for a few more moments.”

Alec blinked, fingers slipping from the plates. Magnus then asked, “Is that all right?”

Alec grabbed his own stack of dishes and dumped them into the sink, watching Magnus' face carefully as he grabbed a dish towel. Someone like Magnus wanting to spend time with him was new, but Alec wasn't going to complain. “Yeah,” he said. “That's fine.”

Magnus settled into the space beside Alec and took a clean towel from the drawer Alec pulled one out of. He dried the dishes that Alec passed his way without being asked, and Alec tried hard not to let himself think anything of Magnus brushing his fingers every time, as though it was intentional.

“So, tell me something about yourself,” Magnus said. “I've heard you talk about everyone else all night, but what is it like to be Alexander Lightwood?”

 _Alexander._ No one called him that anymore. It was a sharp pain to the heart, but one that didn't hurt so much when Magnus looked at him with genuine eyes.

“There's not much to tell you. I wait tables, I take care of Max, and in my free time I wrangle these guys and try to get some sleep.”

“All admirable, but what do you _like_ to do?”

Alec shrugged and handed Magnus another plate. “This, I guess. Cook and hang out with my family. I run here and there, I read.”

“Do you have a favorite genre?”

“Anything under five dollars at the thrift store.”

Magnus hummed and continued drying the dishes that Alec handed to him. The silence wasn't awkward, but Alec felt his curiosity growing.

“Uh, what about you?”

“Me? Oh I like many things. Parties, cats, martinis. I spend a lot of my free time reading, as well.”

“What is it you like to read?”

“I dabble in many areas. Sci-fi, fantasy, non-fiction, romance.”

“I'm not sure we've read any of the same books.”

“Oh, I wouldn't say that.”

Alec and Magnus finished the dishes quickly but stayed back for a moment to talk about books. It was so easy to talk to Magnus. Small talk like this with anyone else would have Alec longing to join the rest of the group, but he kept drawing Magnus' attention away from them. Alec could see his sister sending him questioning glances from the living room but he paid her no mind.

All too soon Magnus' phone rang, effectively ending the conversation. Alec scratched at the label on his beer bottle as Magnus talked. He was suddenly professional in a way that Alec hadn't seen him, or he was until he made an exasperated face at whatever was being said to him on the other end of the call.

“Let me call you back,” Magnus said. He turned to Alec with apologetic eyes. “Duty calls, I'm afraid.”

Alec couldn't help but feel _something_ about Magnus leaving early. He'd enjoyed their time together, even if he put his foot in his mouth with every other word. Out of the corner of his eye, Alec saw his sister get out of her seat, most likely to walk Magnus to the door. Alec, wanting another second with Magnus and not quite understanding why, blocked her from view.

“Let me walk you out?”

Magnus' look of apology turned into a pleasant smile that Alec mimicked. “Of course.”

Magnus made his round of good-byes which included a lot of hugs and a few more minutes of chatting before he was ready to leave. He grabbed his coat and followed Alec to the door, where he turned around for one last word.

“It was nice to meet you, Alexander.”

Alec ducked his head. “You too. I'm sure this isn't the last you'll see of me.”

“A man can hope,” Magnus said with a wink as he shut the door.

Alec stood there for a moment, a small smile on his face. Magnus Bane, he decided, was a very confusing man. He made his way back to his friends but stopped when he looked up to see them all staring at him like he had grown another head.

“ _Let me walk you out?”_ Isabelle said.

“I'm not doing this, guys.” Alec tried to detour into the kitchen but his family wasn't letting him off so easy.

“Oh come _on,_ ” said Max. He looked exasperated and matched Alec's squinted glare with one of his own. Alec was beginning to think that even with him trying to be a good role model, Max had a lot of his own teenage attitude.

“You two spent all of dinner talking exclusively to each other,” Jace said. He had sat himself on the floor between Simon's feet, making his boyfriend play with his hair.

“We did not.”

Luke sighed and shook his head. “I'm with them on this one.”

Alec rolled his eyes. The kitchen seemed like a safe haven from prying friends, but his sister followed him with a knowing look on her face. He tried to ignore her, but her silence was louder than anything.

“Honestly, Izzy.”

“What?” she asked. When he turned to look at her she was a little amused but mostly just curious. “I didn't say anything.”

Alec sighed and debating on opening another beer. He decided against it. Two was enough for one night, but damn if he didn't feel like he needed another. “You were going to.”

“Maybe. Did you like him?”

“He's nice.”

Isabelle grinned. “He is, isn't he? Did you get his number?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because there was no reason to? Yeah, he was nice, but that doesn't mean we're instant friends or anything.” And, the thought had honestly not crossed Alec's mind.

Isabelle sighed like she thought her brother was being dense on purpose.

Alec remembered the only unpleasant topic that had arisen during dinner, rearranging his words so they didn't sound accusatory. “Also, he knew I had custody of Max.”

Isabelle looked bashful, which told Alec all he needed to know. “I know you say it's no one's business, but it just slipped out. It's hard not to tell Magnus things.”

Alec wiped a hand over his face, suddenly exhausted. “Did you tell him anything else?”

Isabelle shook her head. “Just that you were taking care of him.”

Alec sighed and leaned against the counter. “Okay.”

It wasn't anyone's business, that part was true. Alec didn't tell anyone who didn't already know about their situation for several reasons, the most prominent being that he didn't want to invite any kind of unwanted speculation and the fact people just didn't understand. Isabelle didn't waste a moment before hugging her brother and resting her head on his shoulder. Alec wrapped his arms around her. “You wanna go watch a horrible movie and throw popcorn at Simon and Jace?” he asked.

Isabelle's smile was a soft thing. “Yeah.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter a lot quicker than I thought I would've. I'm very lazy about editing so if you see any grammatical or spelling errors, especially in longer chapters like this one, feel free to let me know in the comments.
> 
> Speaking of comments, I'm open to any and all constructive criticism. Have questions about this chapter? Want to tell me what you liked, what you didn't? You know what to do.
> 
> Update ETA: Sunday at the latest. Hopefully.
> 
>  
> 
> [histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com](https://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)


	3. more than you can see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...remember when I said Sunday at the latest? With the hurricane, recovery efforts, and work this is kind of late but whatever. Hope you guys like this one.
> 
> Title comes from the song "Like That" by Bea Miller, which I think is pretty fitting for Magnus' relationship with his ex-wife.
> 
> Chapter playlist:
> 
> 5AM - Amber Run  
> Something New - Axwell /\ Ingrosso  
> Like That - Bea Miller

Magnus woke sprawled on the chaise lounge in the living room rather than the comfort of his lavish bed. He had planned to go to sleep when he got home from Isabelle's party but a client had called with concerns regarding her divorce and kept Magnus up until the early hours of the morning, chattering away about nothing. Magnus knew she was just lonely and needed someone to vent to, but he had little patience for overly involved clients.

Lawyers weren't therapists and some people really tried to toe that line.

Magnus stretched and groaned, really wishing he had fallen asleep in satin sheets. It was already ten in the morning but Magnus worked his own hours unless he had a meeting. Thankfully, he needed time to review his cases before he scheduled a meeting with either of his current clients, meaning he had the morning to himself.

Magnus put a cup in the Keurig and let it brew as he went to the bathroom. He had changed into his dressing robe when he got home but hadn't managed to wash off his make up, wincing at the black smears marring his reflection. Magnus' skincare routine was no joke and rigorous to a fault, yet sometimes self-care wasn't doing a facial and relaxing in a hot bath, but rather drinking a glass of whiskey and risking clogged pores in the morning.

With a fresh face and a strong cup of coffee Magnus was more or less ready to face the day. The Kimble case was one he didn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole but they were throwing a ton of cash his way for a simple consultation. The Henderson case was plain at first sight but after meeting with the couple for the first time Magnus felt like he needed a strong drink.

Family court was nothing like criminal court, which was something more than a few people had yet to understand. Magnus' life was the farthest thing from an episode of _Law & Order. _He mostly dealt with divorces and child custody cases. Sometimes things got messy, but for the most part that meant a lot of yelling and name calling.

Magnus' phone buzzed from somewhere in the living room, distracting him from his stagnant morning thoughts. It took him a moment to find the phone innocently nestled between two cushions. Surprisingly enough there were only two texts. Magnus swiped away the one from last night's client to deal with later but the most recent one was from Isabelle Lightwood. Magnus smiled. Isabelle was truly one of his favorite people. She was stylish and honest and easy to get along with.

_[Isabelle L.] 10:34 AM_

_I invite you over to meet my brother and you don't even ask for his number??_

_[Me] 10:36 AM_

_You know I would have loved to but my clients love to rush the good things in life_

_[Me] 10:36 AM_

_Has he talked about me?_

It was juvenile, Magnus knew, but there was something to Alexander Lightwood that he couldn't shake. The way his eyes lit up when they talked despite the reserved way he held himself, as though he wasn't used to the attention.

_[Isabelle L.] 10:37 AM_

_As his sister I can't abuse my attorney-client privilege, but I definitely think I need to get the two of you together again. Soon._

Interesting.

_[Me] 10:39 AM_

_I'll let you know when I have some free time._

Isabelle wasn't the only one who mentioned Alec to Magnus on a regular basis. Everyone in their mutual friend group, including Luke, brought Alec up in conversation regularly. They would talk about him in passing which only made Magnus more curious and his curiosity had oddly not been sated when he met the man the day before. Alec hadn't revealed much about himself, but what he did had Magnus wanting to learn more.

Alec was a genuine person, Magnus knew that much. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, hadn't wanted to know someone quite the way he wanted to know Alexander. The intense feelings he had after just one meeting had Magnus desperately trying to get the man out of his mind. In his experience, feelings weren't the kindest of friends.

Magnus reviewed his cases meticulously. Not only to get a certain someone out of his thoughts but also because he was devoted to his work. He was one of the most sought after family court lawyers for a reason.

The Henderson case was an easy win. The husband couldn't take care of himself, let alone any of the kids or pets. He wanted the house, the expensive electronics he claimed to have paid for, and the dogs. The wife, Magnus' client, had singlehandedly supported the husband for several years and been the sole care-taker of the children and animals.

The Kimble case was nastier. Magnus was simply consulting and hadn't officially taken the case. Both the husband and wife had collected several arrests for domestic violence and driving related infractions. The husband was on parole and the wife was doing community service twice a month. Neither was an exemplary parent to the four kids and Magnus was loathe to defend either in court.

Mrs. Kimble was the one who had called him away from the party the night before. She wanted to complain about her husband, who was yelling in the background. It had been a long night for a case that wouldn't be worth it in the end.

He called both women and scheduled an interview with Mrs. Henderson and left a voicemail for Kimble.

Magnus rubbed his temples. It had already been a long day and it wasn't even five. He debated between an early drink and a late lunch when he received a text from an old and dear friend.

_[Cat Loss] 1:47 PM_

_I just finished a double but I don't have anywhere to be before I pick up Madzie at 3:30. Buy me lunch._

Magnus laughed. Catarina Loss didn't ask for things and especially not from Magnus, who she knew would do anything for her.

_[Me] 1:49 PM_

_Of course. 2:30 at Rocio's?_

Magnus knew Cat wouldn't object so he put away his files and headed to the bedroom. He typically wasn't the type of person to throw on the first outfit he saw, but he was feeling the silk navy button down and light floral vest a little strongly. His closet was colorful and diverse, no two garments the same. The weather was still warm in the early September afternoon so Magnus paired his outfit with a simple pair of grey jeans.

There was a small vanity next to the closet door with every inch covered in tubes, bottles, and palettes of makeup. Magnus wasn't in the mood for extravagance so with a light gold eyeshadow and mascara he was ready to leave.

* * *

Catarina looked exhausted yet comfortable, sitting alone at a two-person table by the window. She had her feet kicked up in the chair across from her and Magnus noticed with pleasure that she had already ordered a small buffet and a carafe of coffee. Despite looking so tired her smile was bright when she noticed her friend walking towards her.

Magnus stopped by her seat to hug her tight and she responded with an arm around his waist. “How are you?”

Catarina sighed. “Tired, but what else is new?”

Magnus pulled another chair to the side of the table. He set his phone down and leaned back in his own chair. “How is my favorite goddaughter?”

Catarina ripped a croissant in half and dipped it into a bowl of melted butter. “She's itching for another sleepover, but I told her it has to wait until I see her next report card.”

“You know it'll be good.”

Catarina's smile was proud, as it always was when she talked about her daughter. “I know, but this way it's incentive to do even better.”

Madzie was a smart girl, sweet and eager, too. She was slow to open up to strangers and rarely spoke above a whisper, but she was everything a ten year old should be. She had friends and was placed in a couple of advanced classes. Her teachers were even considering skipping her a grade. Magnus loved the girl more than life itself.

“And how was work?” Magnus continued.

Catarina fixed Magnus with a look she reserved for work talk and poured herself another cup of coffee. “Well, we had half a soccer team come in with various dislocations and far too many people with things shoved in places they had no reason being.”

Magnus winced. “Eventful.”

The waiter stopped by and greeted Magnus by name. He looked younger than he was with his wide eyes and out of style haircut, a friend of Maia's if Magnus recalled correctly. He was a little sarcastic and more than a little bit of a skeptic.

“Bat. How are things with you?” Magnus asked warmly.

Bat tucked a menu under his arm and shrugged. “Oh, you know. Struggling musician with no money, occasional urge to howl at the moon. The usual.”

Magnus chuckled. “Can I get an order of steak and eggs? Medium rare and over easy?”

Bat snapped his fingers, not bothering to write the order down. “Gotcha. Be back in a minute.”

“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” Catarina asked.

“Work,” Magnus said with a look of distaste. “I meant to get ahead last night but there was a party and my attendance was required.”

“A party?”

Magnus poured himself a cup of coffee and eyed the plate of croissants. He hadn't eaten yet and the smell was intoxicating. “Well, it wasn't quite what you're thinking. Isabelle Lightwood threw a little get together. I was there long only long enough to meet her brother and join them for dinner.”

Catarina smirked. She pushed the plate of croissants toward Magnus, who wasted no time in dipping one in his coffee. “The brother she's unsubtly trying to hook you up with?”

“Yes,” Magnus said around a mouthful of food.

“And?”

“And he was sweet and shy and gorgeous.”

Catarina ripped up another croissant and watched Magnus closely, eyes observant. “So what's the problem?” she asked.

“What makes you think there's a problem?”

“Well you haven't said anything about a date.”

Bat arrived then with Magnus' food. Magnus thanked him, mouth watering at the scent of a perfectly seasoned steak. Once Bat had made sure the duo didn't need anything else Magnus said, “I don't date every guy I get introduced to, Cat.”

“I know. It might be nice to give him a shot though.”

“You haven't even met him.”

“I know, but listen, when I've gotten laid more recently than you our friendship gets a little off balance.”

Magnus who had his fork poised in mid-air paused. “Who?”

“Ah, the receptionist,” Catarina said with a sly smile that told Magnus all he needed to know.

Magnus grinned. Catarina wasn't one for serious relationships but it was good to see that she was still having fun. Between her work as a nurse and her daughter she had little time to devote to anyone else. Magnus rarely even saw her except on days where they sat themselves in each others lives without regard for anything the other might be doing.

Catarina inquired more about Alec which left Magnus trying to find words for their interaction the night before. Alec was reticent but a genuine smiled had peeked out from behind his walls during dinner. He had messy hair that was a combination of curls and constantly running his hands through it.

Magnus also told her about the way that talking with Alec made him feel. There was some sort of feeling in Magnus' chest when he thought back to the conversations they had the night before. It was nothing out of the ordinary, mostly small talk, but it left Magnus feeling oddly content and curious.

Catarina opened her mouth—to tease Magnus about his weakness for people like Alec no doubt—when his phone buzzed atop the table. He was prepared to ignore it when his phone buzzed again with a second text message.

He chanced a look and was taken aback at the number the text was from. It wasn't saved in his contacts but Magnus had known that number by heart since he was a teenager.

_[xxx-xxx-xxxx] 3:11 PM_

_I missed you at the restaurant the other night._

_I'm leaving for France later this evening but I came across some things of yours when I went through some old boxes. Meet me at the restaurant in the next half hour._

The texts stabbed through Magnus' good mood like icicles. He hadn't heard from Camille in over a year, yet here she was, sneaking her way back into his life. She was a chronic nuisance and Magnus was foolish to think he was rid of her for good. She always came back.

“Who is it?” Cat asked.

“The devil, who else?”

Catarina frowned. “Why is she texting you?”

Magnus avoided looking at his friend, for fear of what he'd see. His friends had never been fond of his ex-wife and they made it perfectly clear what they thought. Over the course of his relationship with Camille his friendships had suffered. He tried and tried to keep them from having to interact, but Catarina and Magnus' other friends refused to be in the same room with her. It was one of the miserable conditions that pushed Magnus to the point of divorce.

“She says she has something of mine and she's about to leave again anyway. Tell Bat to put the meal on my tab and make sure you write in a good tip.”

Magnus hugged her again and she promised not to pay a cent out of her own pocket. She didn't say another word about Camille. For whatever reason, whether it was for Magnus' sanity or her own reluctance to tarnish a meeting between friends, Magnus was grateful.

* * *

Magnus had no warmth in his heart for his ex-wife and the mere thought of meeting with her made him wish for a strong drink. In two years he had worked hard to come to several realizations. The first was that Camille had never loved him, not in the way he loved her. She may have loved his affections, his gifts, his body, but she never loved him for his heart.

The second realization that Magnus had come to was that Camille radiated toxicity. Her words and mind were a poison that Magnus had willingly consumed for so many years that the burning of longing and desperate love had become commonplace.

The restaurant Camille owned was a French bistro just shy of a five star rating. Camille had never taken a serious interest in her business while she and Magnus were together and rarely visited and he hadn't even bothered to remember the name of it.

Magnus thought he would have a little more time to prepare himself, yet he found Camille in all of her blonde, designer infamy sitting at an outdoor table. Her pink sunglasses and ridiculously floppy hat obscured most of her face, but Magnus would recognize the woman anywhere.

It took her no time to recognize Magnus, either. She waved him across the street with a venomous pink grin.

“It's been so long,” said Camille, a tinge of a French accent on her tongue.

“Not nearly long enough.”

“You wound me, darling. Would you like something to drink?”

“I really must be on my way. I only stopped by because I was already in the neighborhood.”

Camille sipped her drink, careful not to smudge her lipstick. “Very well.”

She pushed an old photo album towards him. It was clear she wanted him to look through it, but he had no intention of doing so until he'd had a martini and a well deserved steak.

Camille sighed. She reached over and flipped the book to it's middle pages, revealing an old ruby necklace inlaid in gold.

“I found this in the box as well.” She watched his face, amused by whatever it was she saw there. “I must be on my way, but do keep in touch Magnus.” She kissed his cheek and Magnus shivered as the poison set in.

Magnus shut the book with a sharp snap. He took a moment to collect himself and debated ordering a drink when he spotted a dark haired man leaving the service entrance. Magnus looked him up, taking in the well-fitting slacks and rolled up sleeves before he recognized the man.

“Alec?”

Alec turned around and waved when he saw Magnus. He walked over, hands clasped behind his back. Magnus wanted to laugh. Of course he worked in Camille's restaurant, because that's just how Magnus' life went.

“Grabbing lunch?” Alec asked. His apron was still tied around his waist but his bow-tie hung undone and his top two buttons were open.

“I was just meeting with someone, are you off now?” Magnus asked.

“Thankfully.”

Magnus hummed, suddenly wanting to postpone both work and looking through the photo album. “Want to grab a coffee? I know a place with a great Cuban brew.”

Alec appeared to think about it for a minute before sighing. He looked like a strong breeze might topple him. “I'd love that actually.”

The coffee shop that Magnus mentioned was only a short walk from the restaurant and Magnus enjoyed the feeling of the sun on his silken shoulders. Alec didn't talk on the way but that was fine with Magnus as he was still busy compartmentalizing his interaction with Camille. It was hard, but he tied everything up into neat little boxes to deal with later.

When Magnus stopped in front of the cafe Alec held the door open for him. It was a sweet gesture followed by an even sweeter smile. The smell of pastries and soup mingled with the smell of coffee, making Magnus feel at home and also painfully aware that he still hadn't eaten. He watched some of the tension slip from Alec's shoulders and let himself do the same.

Magnus perused the menu while Alec ordered the aforementioned black Cuban blend. After a moment Magnus ordered a cinnamon chai and two chocolate muffins. Alec pulled some cash from the pocket of his apron but Magnus stopped him.

“My treat.”

Alec's smile was small and appreciative as he moved to the other end of the counter to wait for their drinks. Magnus paid and watched as Alec leaned against a wall, arms crossed and foot propped up. He looked tired in the soft lighting of the coffee shop. A hint of a tattoo teased Magnus where the sleeves of Alec's white oxford was rolled up.

Their drinks only took a moment to make and Alec detoured to the station with creamer and sugar as soon as they grabbed their drinks. He poured a questionable amount of sugar into his coffee, but Magnus thought it must taste just fine given the way Alec's head tipped back and his eyes closed as he took a sip. “I can't tell you how much I appreciate this coffee right now,” Alec said.

Magnus hid his smile behind his tea. “You looked like you could use it.”

Alec nodded, a closemouthed crooked smile on his lips. He led the way to the door, pulling it open for a little girl and her parents before nodding Magnus through.

“How has your day been so far?” he asked. “I wasn't expecting to run into you at work.”

Magnus shrugged. “I had lunch with a friend of mine. She's a delight, I think you two would get along.”

“Oh?” Alec asked.

“She's smart and blunt with a quick sense of humor.”

“You might have to introduce us sometime,” Alec said, glancing at Magnus from the corner of his eye.

The walk was refreshing and Magnus found himself enjoying Alec's company. He liked the way Alec turned his head away to laugh or smile, like he wanted to hide his reactions. He liked the curl of Alec's lips when he made a joke or sarcastic remark. All in all, it was incredibly simple, hanging out with Alec. There was no fuss or push to be some grand entertainer or lawyer, he just had to be Magnus.

Once they reached the apartment building Alec fumbled with the cardboard sleeve on his coffee. “I'd ask if you'd like to come up for coffee but—“ he shook his cup.

“Well, I could go for another if you're offering.” Alec smiled and it was a sight that Magnus had become used to. It wasn't so much a smile as a look of astonishment quirked up at the corner.

Alec led the way upstairs and Magnus took a look around. The building was nothing grand and the doorman flicked them an unconcerned glance before he returned to his magazine. The stairs were a bit of a hassle but before Magnus knew it he was standing in the doorway of Alec's apartment. Two teenagers were seated on the floor teasing a hairless cat with a feather and Magnus recognized one of the boys to be Max Lightwood.

Max recognized Magnus too, his eyes flitting between him and brother. “Hey, Magnus. This is Julian, Julian this is Alec's friend Magnus.”

“Hi,” Julian said politely before turning to Alec. “Can you babysit Tavvy during the day tomorrow?”

“Of course. I'm closing tomorrow so I'll just drop him off before I head to work.”

“Thanks, Alec.”

Alec dropped his apron on the back of the couch and ruffled Julian's hair affectionately. He looked as though he was about to say something else when he zeroed in on the cat. “Is that a cat?”

“Nope,” Max said at the same time Julian answered yes.

Alec's eyes narrowed and Magnus had to stifle a laugh at the look.“Is it one of Miss Santiago's?”

“I don't think so. I asked and she said that it wasn't even a cat.”

Alec didn't look impressed but Max was quick to turn on the doe eyes. “I don't think she belongs to anybody, Alec.”

Alec shook his head.“Oh no.”

“Please, Alec? I'll feed her and clean out the litter box and Julian will help, right Jules?”

“No, Max. If we keep this thing it's your responsibility. You don't just get to pass that off to Julian because you can't be responsible.”

“I can be responsible, Alec.”

“Prove it,” Alec said, picking up the cat and cradling it to his chest. “One week trial period starting tomorrow.”

Alec scratched the cat behind the ears and nuzzled its head before setting it down with one final chin scratch. Magnus thought it was adorable, a big man like Alec cuddling a cat. He thought that even if Max couldn't take care of the cat that Alec would keep it.

Magnus followed Alec into the kitchen and sat at the small four person table while Alec started the coffee. The apartment was cute and spoke volumes about its inhabitants as people. It was a little messy but the papers and files on the kitchen counter were neatly paperclipped and stacked. There was an afghan folded in the seat next to Magnus and books lined up on any available surface. Much like at the coffee shop, Magnus felt at ease, safe. It was a quaint home that suited Alec and Max just fine.

Alec sat across from Magnus at the table with two cups of coffee. “I don't know how you take it, but there's creamer in the refrigerator and sugar on the counter.”

Magnus thanked Alec and stood. The dark chocolate creamer was rich enough that Magnus didn't need sugar, but he took the opportunity to look at the books on the counter. The spines on most were worn out and fraying from having been read several times over.

“I must admit, when you said you enjoyed reading I didn't think you meant this much,” Magnus said.

Alec hummed in lieu of an answer. Magnus noticed he did that often, usually as a way to collect his thoughts before speaking.

“I've always been a bit of a bookworm. My siblings and I used to have days where we all sat in our pajamas in the living room and read.” Alec's voice was wistful and full of longing.

“That sounds lovely,” Magnus said. “Do you have any recommendations?”

Alec stood just behind Magnus and pulled a book from the counter. He smelled like a unique combination of coffee and aftershave. Alec grinned as he saw the cover and handed the novel to Magnus. “Here, borrow this.”

Magnus took the book with excitement. He reached into the shoulder bag he'd been carrying, looking for the book he had just finished. “If I'm taking one of yours, take one of mine.”

Their hands brushed as Alec took the book and Magnus watched Alec as he trailed his fingers over the spine before reading the summary on the back. Everything was still except for the unusual pattern of Magnus' heart beating and Alec's lips forming silent words as he read.

Magnus' phone buzzed with a text message and the moment fractured around them. Magnus realized that it had gotten late without his knowledge and he still had clients to tend to. He sighed, wanting to be irresponsible for just one day.

“I didn't mean to drag you away from work,” Alec said. His face was unreadable but he held tight to Magnus' book.

“Don't worry about it. I liked spending time with you.”

Alec's eyebrows furrowed for a brief moment before something like a smile crossed his face. If Magnus had looked away he would have missed it.

“Me too.”

Alec walked Magnus to the door and held it open for the third time that day. He looked as though there was something on his mind, but he didn't say a word.

“Let me know how you like the book,” Magnus said.

“I will.”

Magnus left the apartment with an urge to open the book Alec lent him and knowing that he wouldn't have the time until he was done with his work. His day had turned into one long lunch break, yet he couldn't bring himself to regret seeing Catarina or walking Alec home. Making time for friends never warranted any regret in his mind. Magnus had made it to the stairs when he heard the door finally close behind him. His heart was significantly lighter than it had been as he walked home.

* * *

Magnus had gotten Chinese food on his way home to avoid a trip to the grocery store and the unnecessary burden of cooking. His phone buzzed and his eye twitched at the sound. He sat at the counter with his food and laptop in front of him.

He emailed a client and ignored his phone buzzing again. Mrs. Kimble was very quickly approaching a place where Magnus didn't even want her money, he just wanted her to go away.

Magnus typed out a draft of the points he'd go over in the meeting the next morning and sifted through e-mails from clients and coworkers alike.

When the food was gone Magnus pulled out the whiskey. He was an appreciator of whiskey in any form, but tonight definitely felt like an on-the-rocks-with-a-twist kind of night. He moved to the balcony just off the living room, relishing in the cool breeze against his skin.

In his hands were two books; the photo album Camille left him and the novel Alec let him borrow. He set the novel down and flipped through the pages of the album. Each photo featured Camille, much to Magnus' dismay. There were several pictures where she was in the corner, but she was all Magnus could see. He didn't realize that some of his favorite photos had Camille in them. He took a few that he loved and folded them so Camille's face was obscured.

By the middle of the book Magnus had no desire to look through the pictures anymore. He pulled the ruby necklace from it's place marking a page where the pictures were solely of Camille.

The necklace had been an anniversary gift, one that Magnus put the most thought into. Their first anniversary. The necklace had been his mother's. It was his last piece of her and Camille had kept it hidden for two years.

Magnus was angry and sad and so so tired. He slammed the book shut and wrapped the necklace around his wrist. It was a gaudy thing that hung heavily off of him, but he didn't mind. He downed the entirety of his drink in one gulp that left him reeling.

Magnus' phone buzzed again and his agitation reached its pinnacle. He formulated half of a passive aggressive response to Mrs. Kimble when he realized that the most recent text was from a number he didn't recognize.

_[xxx-xxx-xxxx] 7:06 PM_

_Sorry if this is weird but Izzy gave me ur number_

_[xxx-xxx-xxxx] 7:06 PM_

_I started the book u gave me, its actually pretty good so far_

_[xxx-xxx-xxxx] 7:06 PM_

_This is Alec btw_

Despite feeling angry at Camille and at himself, in between being reminded of his mother and his annoying client, he found himself breathing deeply and letting the rubber-band tension in his shoulders loosen.

_[Me] 7:07 PM_

_It isn't weird, I'm glad you're liking the book_

_[Me] 7:07 PM_

_This is Magnus btw ;p_

Magnus waited for a reply for five minutes, scrolling through his social media. When he'd exhausted his news feed and still hadn't heard back so he rose to pour himself another drink. The release of tension made Magnus more relaxed and tired than he realized he was. He debated opening his e-mail again when Alec replied.

_[Alexander] 7:15 PM_

_It's definitely better writing than what I'm used to_

_[Me] 7:15 PM_

_Oh?_

_[Alexander] 7:16 PM_

_Yeah $5 paperbacks aren't typically written by the best authors_

_[Me] 7:16 PM_

_I'll be the judge of that. Only a few more files to go through before I'm done with work for the day_

_[Alexander] 7:18 PM_

_I'll let you get to it_

_[Me] 7:18 PM_

_I'd say not to worry about it but you are very distracting, sir_

_[Alexander] 7:19 PM_

_Sorry_

_[Me] 7:21 PM_

_In a good way_

_[Alexander] 7:21 PM_

_Oh_

Magnus let that last text hang in the air without opening it. If he didn't open it, it would still be there when he was done with work. A reminder to text back.

Magnus worked with a fervor he normally reserved for deadlines and tough cases, eager to talk to Alexander. He felt like a teenager again, hoping for a phone call or an IM from his crush at school. There was still a residual negativity in the back of his mind, but he had plenty of time to dwell on old regrets.

It was wild, the way Alexander made Magnus feel after such a short exposure.

One dinner and one walk had Magnus thinking about him constantly. It was a pleasant feeling, only made less so by the feeling of doubt that followed. It had been two years since his divorce and he'd had a significant other or two since then, but Magnus knew he had tripped and was nearing the edge of the rabbit hole. No matter how cute Alexander was when he blushed or how he made Magnus want to talk for hours, there was a very real chance Magnus wasn't ready for a relationship.

Especially not when he had a closet full of ghosts that enticed him to dance at the most inopportune times.

Magnus finished his work and shot off e-mails to his clients and to his boss, giving them each an update and scheduling meetings for tomorrow. He prolonged texting Alexander, hoping that his feelings would rationalize themselves. He took a shower and dressed down. He moisturized and made tea. He lit candles and turned on the radio. He finally let himself sink into the soft mattress.

Sure enough, there was a $4.95 sticker at the corner of Alec's book. It was the first book in a series that Magnus had never heard of before and the back summary read like a typical fantasy book. The spine had been broken all throughout, but Magnus still took care not to bend it excessively.

The story started off slow, but by the third chapter Magnus had forgotten to text Alec back. He read until his eyes grew heavy. He set the book aside and curled up, intending to reach for his phone and stretch yet he fell asleep in less than a minute, too exhausted for much of anything else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus POV! I debated for a while about who's POV to write this from. Originally it was just Alec, but I realized that a lot of Magnus' story was being left untold that way. Hopefully the story flows with multiple points of view.
> 
> Let me know what you liked, what you didn't, what you think of Magnus' POV.
> 
> Update ETA: Wednesday at the earliest, but most likely sometime next week. Maybe later.
> 
>  
> 
> [histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com](https://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)


	4. mea culpa, ad nauseam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another chapter! This is where that angst tag starts to earn its merit. As soon as I post this chapter I'll add new tags, but there are some things you should know about this chapter. We get a glimpse at what happened with the Lightwoods. TW for vivid nightmares, car accidents, mentions of injury/blood/scars etc related to the car accidents, moments of panic. If you read this chapter and can think of any other warnings I should add and tag let me know.
> 
> Even though this is only tagged with Shadowhunters (TV) there may be aspects of the books that I introduce. However, this is more based off of the show. 
> 
> The song for this chapter is: Ghosts by BANNERS.
> 
> Chapter Playlist:
> 
> 5 AM - Amber Run  
> Something New - Axwell /\ Ingrosso  
> like that - Bea Miller  
> Ghosts - BANNERS

_From behind the steering wheel Alec could control the world. He rolled the windows down and turned the radio up louder than it needed to be. He let the wind toss his hair into knots more complex than usual. Max sat in the back, his feet propped up on the back of Alec's seat, talking a mile a minute about some comic he read in the week. Nine years old looked glorious on Max Lightwood. He was missing a tooth and he could talk anyone's ear off about super heroes and werewolves and magic._

_Alec wondered if he was that joyful when he was nine._

_Their mother sat in the passenger seat. A rare, carefree smile graced her face. Three months after finalizing her divorce and she had never looked happier. Alec was proud of her. He was happy to have his mother back, the woman who cared, the woman who would sing soft lullabies in Spanish. Her hair whipped out of its braid and into the wind as she laughed at Max's exaggerated story._

_There was no one else on the road. The nearest road sign claimed the airport to be at the next exit, but Alec had been too caught up in Max's story. Simon had loaned Max several issues of his favorite series and Max thought Alec needed to know every minute detail._

_Alec clung to every word, never tiring of his brother's enthusiasm._

_There was no one else on the road. Alec was sure of it. So sure. He was going to take the next exit, it wasn't that big of a deal. Except for the car heading straight for them on the exit ramp._

_Max screamed. Alec swerved but so did the other car. Metal screeched and Alec let go of the wheel. He tried to turn to shield his mother. The pain was blinding and Alec cried out. He called for his mother but all he heard was the panicked breathing of his brother. Max knelt in the space between the front seats and cried into Alec's shoulder, begging him to move, pleading for him to respond._

_He cried for their mother. Begging her to open her eyes._

_Alec couldn't do anything as Max panicked above him. He wasn't dead, his body burned too much for him to be dead. Still, he was useless, limp, listening to his his brother's frightened cries growing louder, more desperate._

_Blood and tears ran down his face._

_It was his own fault, really._

* * *

“Alec,” Max called out. The bathroom door was open, having been broken for over a year. The plastic duck patterned shower curtain covered Alec to his shoulders, which left his head to stick out comically over the top of the shower rod. The water never reached temperatures above mild warmth, but it had run cold far too soon. Alec shivered but stood under the icy spray long after the soap had rinsed off and let the water wash away the final traces of his nightmare with a harsh chill.

“Yeah?”

Max had a comb stuck in his hair when he appeared in the doorway. Like Alec's, his hair rebelled against any and all taming. “Did Magnus ever text you back?”

Alec rolled his eyes and turned off the water. He wrapped a towel around his waist before stepping out of the shower.

“What makes you think I was texting Magnus?” he asked.

“I checked your phone when you went to the bathroom last night,” Max said, shrugging his shoulders like invading other people's privacy was something he did all the time.

If there was one word to describe Max it would be _sneaky._ The kid was far too clever for his own good and in a way Alec was proud of him.

“No, he didn't.” Alec stood at the sink, debating whether or not he could put off shaving.

“Did you read the book he gave you?”

Alec squinted at Max in the mirror. “I started it, yeah. What's with all the questions this morning?”

Max shrugged. “Just curious.”

Alec raised an eyebrow, which was all it took to make any of his siblings exasperated. Max rolled his eyes in a look very familiar to Alec. “It's just been a while since you've been interested in somebody. You know, _like that._ ”

“There is no _like that._ We're just talking a little.”

“Sure. Julian should be here any moment with Tavvy,” Max said.

Alec had no opportunity to think much of anything about his brother's questions, because as if on cue Julian Blackthorn knocked on the door. He was a serious and calm boy, just a year older than Max. Alec let him in and took the baby out of his arms. Julian, too, looked like he needed a break from the world. The paint in his hair only accentuated the color of the circles under his eyes.

“Give me just a second, Jules,” Alec said. “Let me put some clothes on and I'll walk you to the bus stop.”

Mornings were hectic for Alec. With Max and the Blackthorns to look after there was never a dull moment. Alec rushed to pull a sweater over his head and put his phone in his pocket and Tavvy toddled after him as he hopped about the room on one foot. He started walking the kids to the bus stop on his way to work the day after Max and Julian became friends. Back then Mr. and Mrs. Blackthorn had been able to watch Tavvy and Alec still worked the morning shift at Jade Wolf Books. Mark and Helen, Julian's older siblings, had also been around to take care of the gaggle of children.

Mr. and Mrs. Blackthorn had both tragically passed away in a plane crash a little over a year ago, shortly after Tavvy was born. The eldest Blackthorns moved in with their mother and Alec found a night job to make sure the kids always had someone in the mornings. The kids had all felt the loss of their parents and Alec couldn't just sit by and let the tragedy change them for the worse. Things had changed so quickly, but Alec never hesitated to help where the kids needed it. Most days Julian paid a babysitter, but he knew he could ask Alec for anything.

Fully clothed with a baby on his hip, Alec led the boys to the third floor to pick up the rest of the Blackthorn kids. They were met with tired hellos and Alec counted heads as they made their way to the lobby. Julian and Tavvy, Ty and Livvy, Dru and Max.

The Blackthorns were a hot mess of a family, all corralled and protected by Julian. Other than their unstable uncle and social worker, Alec was all they had. The reminded Alec of his own family, held together by the sheer willpower of an older brother and their love for each other.

Dru and Livvy kissed Tavvy and Alec's cheeks before climbing onto the bus. Dru walked all the way to the back and Livvy hovered at the front, waiting for Ty to join her. The twins weren't inseparable, but there were certain things they didn't do without the other, like riding the bus.

Ty handed Alec a small paper crane and ruffled his brother's hair. He didn't say goodbye as he walked away. Julian blew kisses from the bus window which Tavvy squirmed to catch in his chubby fists. Alec understood how hard it was for Julian to part from the baby and admired him for his strength.

Max waved from the same window as Julian, squeezing his head through as well. “Text Magnus,” he yelled.

Alec rolled his eyes and waved until the bus pulled away from the apartment complex. With Tavvy babbling and pulling on his hair Alec trekked back up to the fourth floor.

In the safety of his own apartment Alec let Tavvy loose with some crayons and decided the scribbles on the wall weren't too much of a threat. The cat that Max and Julian had brought home the night before was on Alec in a moment. It had taken a strong liking to the boys and Alec and he couldn't say the feeling wasn't mutual. He didn't consider himself to be specifically a dog or a cat person. His family had only ever had cats but he'd always seen the appeal of both. He had made a trip to the corner store the night before and bought the basic necessities as well as a bag of treats for the cat. Alec smiled when he noticed that Max had made good on his promise and fed her before he left.

He started rooting around in the fridge for something to eat and settled on eggs. He hated eggs but it was easy and fast so he'd suck it up.

Alec grabbed the book that Magnus had left with him. He held it carefully, he didn't bend the spine or fold the corners of the pages. He had slipped an old fast food receipt between the last page of chapter four and the beginning of chapter five to mark his page before he fell asleep. It wasn't like anything Alec had read before. The story was realistic fiction, following a young girl through life at college. If Alec had known that was what the book was about he probably wouldn't have picked it up. Now that he was reading it, however, he kept turning the pages.

By page three of chapter five the pan was ready so he scrambled eggs in a bowl and poured them in. He startled as the back pocket of his jeans vibrated with a new text message. All of his friends should have been in class or at work already which left Alec with no clue as to who it could be.

_[Magnus Bane] 9:48 AM_

_I'm surprised to say that this book is actually really good_

Alec smiled. He hadn't been expecting a text, and certainly not one that voiced his own thoughts.

_[Me] 9:49 AM_

_The whole series is surprisingly good. I read somewhere that the author intentionally published the books for cheap so more people could read them_

_[Magnus Bane] 9:55 AM_

_That's admirable_

_How are you liking the book?_

_[Me] 9:56 AM_

_I'm reading it rn, or trying to between making breakfast and babysitting_

Scrambled eggs were low maintenance at a low temperature so there was very little risk of Alec burning them. He sprinkled a little cheese in it and seasoned it with a little onion powder and salt. He stirred the eggs a little and let them continue to cook.

There was still half a pot of coffee from the night before and Alec poured himself a cup and stuck it in the microwave. He dumped more than a reasonable amount of sugar in it to mask the stale taste.

Alec flipped through the pages as he piled the eggs onto a plate, deliberately keeping the book at a careful distance. He set the plate on the coffee table in the living room, drawing Tavvy's attention from trying to color on the cat. With all the elegance of a toddler he squished the cooling eggs in his hands, less than half of that making it to his mouth.

If the book was interesting before, the introduction of a murder investigation made it even more so. Alec really needed to stop judging books by their expensive covers. The romance aspect was a little forced and unfortunately heterosexual, but the book was otherwise intriguing.

_[Magnus Bane] 9:59 AM_

_Sounds peaceful. I have meetings until three :(_

_[Me] 10:02 AM_

_Sucks to be u_

Alec settled into the couch with his coffee and read, occasionally peeking around the pages to check on Tavvy. The kid was typically calm and definitely less of a troublemaker than his siblings, yet he was still just a baby, and babies had a tendency to do things like feed cats eggs.

Alec's thoughts drifted from the book to Magnus. They had run into each other outside the restaurant and for some reason Magnus walked Alec home. He didn't mind in the slightest, but in the back of Alec's mind there was a constant whisper of _why?_

Alec had friends and before the other day he would have said that he didn't need any more. He and Maia were close, him and Clary and Simon had an odd friendship but they were friends nonetheless. He had acquaintances at work.

The difference was that he _wanted_ to be friends with Magnus, which was odd. He'd never wanted any of his other friendships. Sure, he didn't know what he'd do without them now, but they had just fallen into his lap and he had to deal with it. It was different with Magnus. Alec wanted to pry beyond favorite colors and get to know him, to have inside jokes and inane late night conversations.

Magnus' book wasn't pristine, but by no means was it as torn up and used as Alec's. He bent the spines every which way and had dropped them in the bathtub, whereas the most Magnus did was turn down the corner of his pages to bookmark them. Alec wondered what Magnus thought of his book, battered and bent as it was.

Tavvy squealed in delight, drawing Alec out of his thoughts. The cat batted a clump of eggs across the floor and Tavvy went chasing after it.

Alec set his book down and picked up the mess, content with the moment of serenity the morning gave him.

* * *

The apartment was filled with children of varying age and size in the afternoon. Arthur Blackthorn insisted on the kids being quiet whenever he studied his texts, but Alec had quickly offered up his own apartment as an after-school hang out spot. Julian could be trusted to keep everyone in check and the abundance of noise and bodies kept Max company .

Alec had passed the baby off when the kids arrived so he could dress for work. His slacks and button-ups made up less than a quarter of his wardrobe as having a dress code meant Alec could buy a handful of things and make it look like he didn't wear the same shirt three times in a week, for which he was grateful. His siblings had long since given up on trying to take him shopping or forcing him into a more diverse wardrobe.

Max sat quietly on the bed and pet the cat. His reflection in the full length mirror on the wall looked pensive.

Alec fastened his numerous buttons and fluffed his bow tie. His clothes covered most of his tattoos, leaving only the barest peaks of black showing under his collar and sleeves. The one on his back ran parallel to the scars across his shoulders, drawing attention to the raised and discolored flesh from an accident long passed, simple black lines and nothing more. The other three Clary had designed; swirling rune over his heart that matched the ones Isabelle and Jace had, a tree with six leaves on his bicep, and a minimalistic constellation on his inner forearm.

The tattoos were the one thing Alec truly liked about his appearance. He had plain features, so unlike Isabelle's radiance and Jace's golden everything and Max's warm chocolate hair and eyes. The tattoos, though, just looked _right_. Like they were meant to be.

Max played with the cat, who sat content in his lap. The Blackthorns fooled around in the living room and for a moment it was just the two of them again.

“How was school?” Alec asked. “Did you get those test results back?”

Max cast his eyes aside and chewed on his lip, fingers stilling in their taunt against the cat. “School was okay.”

“Just okay?”

Max rolled his eyes and stood, still not looking at his brother. The avoidance worried Alec, but Max had gone from the room before he found the question he wanted to ask.

* * *

The restaurant hadn't been packed all day which left Alec and Lydia time to pull out a deck of cards and mess around every few minutes.

Lydia Branwell was nothing short of exquisite. Her hair was perfectly braided every day, her make up simple yet flawless. She was a lot like Alec in a way. Lydia had so much responsibility on her hands and that alone made Alec want to help her in anyway he could. On top of still being in medical school and having a job, she rode the bus to the most expensive hospital in the city every day to sit next to her husband.

The two respected each other on a friendly level, but Alec knew they would never know everything about one another. He didn't mind her distance, he understood it, wanting to keep his own private life to himself.

The unusually slow day came to an early close when Alec was sent home due to having nothing to do. Lydia didn't need more than one server and Alec honestly had no problem with leaving early. His shift was only cut by a handful of hours that he could make up by coming in early later in the week.

Alec walked with his head down, letting the tension fall from his neck and shoulders. It wasn't until someone called out his name that he looked up. Almost like a mirage, Magnus was on the sidewalk in front of him, an amused smile on his lips. As Alec drew closer he noticed that Magnus seemed particularly rumpled and tense himself.

“Hey,” Alec said, coming to a stop with his hands in his pockets.

“Can I be honest with you?” Magnus asked in greeting.

“Sure?” Alec replied, unsure of where that question would lead.

“I was walking in the other direction, but I'm going to ask if I can walk you home anyway.”

Alec's eyebrows furrowed. “You don't mind?”

“No. I actually wanted to talk about the book you loaned me.”

“Oh. Do you like it?”

“It's oddly fascinating,” Magnus said, leading the way. “I mean, I didn't expect to like it as much as I did.”

“I know, I felt the same way. There's seven other books in the series and a fourth coming out this month.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. This is going to sound weird, but I have a strange connection to the books. Like, even if the writing got progressively worse, which it doesn't, I would still buy every one. They always come out during the week of my birthday.”

Magnus smiled, turning to look at Alec as he walked. “That's not weird. I once bought a Weird Al CD because it came out on my birthday.”

Alec's laugh was a surprise, like the crash of a tsunami after the water had receded. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Catarina, the friend I mentioned before, she hated me for months because I played it in her car once and it got stuck in the CD player.” Magnus' smile grew, and though he looked tired he began to sound more cheerful by the minute. The honeyed tone of his voice had the most addicting hint of laughter.

“No,” Alec said, the mere idea of such a scene making another wave laughter rise in his throat.

“Yes! And every time she got in the car that CD would play.” Magnus finished his story with wide eyes and an even wider smile.

“Oh my god.”

They remained silent for a minute and Alec bit his lip to try and stifle his laughter. The minute he looked at Magnus, though, he was a goner. Alec's laughing set Magnus off and they looked quite the pair, swaying with humor and excellent companionship as they walked. Alec's face ached and he wiped a stray tear from under his eye.

“This is me,” Alec said as they came upon the apartment building.

“It is indeed.” Magnus' smile had shrunken to something small but no less genuine.

Alec shuffled his feet and flicked a look up to the building.“I shouldn't keep you. The way you've been going I'm not sure how much work you've actually done in the past couple of days.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms across his chest. “I worked my ass off today, thank you very much.”

Alec hummed. “I'm sure.”

Magnus shook his head, a soft huff escaping him. The moon and the amber glow of a street lamp illuminated him in an otherworldly light. “You have a good night, Alexander.”

“You too, Magnus.” Alec didn't watch Magnus as he set back down the street, but instead watched as their shadows separated and Magnus' disappeared into the shade of the trees along the block.

Alec kicked off his shoes once in the apartment, a content smile on his lips. The apartment was dark, save for the strip of light under Max's bedroom door. Alec forewent coffee and food, knocking lightly on his brother's door. There was no sound and for a moment Alec thought Max had fallen asleep with the lights on.

Max eventually opened the door and he looked like he _had_ been asleep, but the messy hair and tired eyes were deceiving. The boy didn't stand in the door but walked back towards his bed which Alec noted was covered in papers.

“Homework?” Alec asked.

“No, just studying.” Max had seemingly dumped his entire back pack onto the bed and didn't seem to mind sitting on an array of school supplies.

“For what?”

“I'm retaking last week's test, I only got an 86,” Max said. His eyes were carefully averted, a mirror of his attitude in the afternoon.

Alec sat next to Max after moving aside a binder and some pens. “I know it's been a while since I was in school, but I'm pretty sure an 86 is still a good grade.”

“I can do better.”

Alec looked at Max and saw himself, anxious and working nonstop. He saw a boy disappointed in himself and his mood dropped like a cement block in water. As a kid Alec had been eager to excel, to earn praise from his parents. He had never wanted Max to feel that way, to think that he was worth only as much as the grades he brought home.

“I think you did just fine,” Alec said, low and reassuring.

Max scoffed and Alec wondered what had gotten into him. “I don't need this from you, _Mr. Perfectionist.”_

Alec tried not to feel hurt. Max had seen him work himself to the bone before, but the circumstances were different. In the early years after the accident Alec had pushed himself almost to the point of no return just to ensure that Max could stay with him. “Look, Max. I know what it's like to feel like your best isn't enough, to be _told_ that your best isn't enough. I just want you to know that an 86 is a perfectly fine grade.”

“Okay.”

Alec sighed. He knew there was no getting to Max at the moment, no matter how much it bothered him. He wondered if he had done anything to make Max think he wasn't doing well enough, or if it was just part of who Max was. Either way, something dark and heavy settled in Alec's chest.

Max had turned back to his papers and Alec couldn't think of anything else to say. He ruffled Max's hair and shut the door behind him as he left. He was uneasy with leaving Max but sometimes all he could do was give Max the space to handle the situation on his own and be there for the result, positive or not.

Alec stripped down behind his closed bedroom door, the moonlight casting a pale glow on the room and painting him silver. He crawled into his cold sheets and lay there for a moment, staring at the wall just below the window. His thoughts jumped and pirouetted between focusing on Max's strange behavior and the way Magnus' laugh had burrowed into his own chest.

Guilty and ashamed that he could think of Magnus like that while there was something going on with Max, Alec forcefully rolled over and turned on the bedside lamp. The harsh yellow light washed over him and he reached for the book inside the drawer and a pair of glasses that hardly saw the light of day. He sat up, too restless to sleep.

Chapter after chapter, Alec read. Soon all thoughts of younger brothers and unnamed emotions had faded away and were replaced with anticipation for the next part of the story. Alec let himself get lost in the story until his thoughts wouldn't trouble him as he slipped off to sleep.

* * *

_Alec was in the car again, alone. Blood stained the cloth seats and Alec could smell the unbearable odor of it. There was a sound like an engine roaring to life and accelerating past Alec. He sat in the middle of the back seat, frozen in place._

_He was alone, but the high tones of Max's voice wavered in and out of range. The back of Alec's neck prickled with nerves and anxiety. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of Alec's face, but as it fell to his jeans it turned a bright crimson._

_The sounds of the engine and Max's voice, young and accusatory, filled Alec's ears to the point of over-stimulation. They grew louder as a pair of harsh lights flickered to life in front of Alec. He struggled for a moment before tossing his head to the side and squeezing his eyes shut._

_It would be over in a minute._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out, with each new chapter if there is something I haven't tagged that y'all think I should, let me know.
> 
> Feedback is welcomed, appreciated, and encouraged. Let me know what you liked, what you didn't, tell me your theories, ask questions, tell me a line that you liked. Constructive criticism regarding my writing is also appreciated.
> 
>  
> 
> [histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com](https://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)


	5. cherry blossom and aster hopes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter and....leaves off on a bit of a cliffhanger? Gets kinda angsty y'all.
> 
> Song for the chapter is fragile by gnash feat. WRENN.
> 
> Chapter Playlist:
> 
> 5 AM - Amber Run  
> Something New - Axwell /\ Ingrosso  
> like that - Bea Miller  
> Ghosts - BANNERS   
> fragile - gnash (feat. WRENN)

Magnus was not a morning person, and certainly not when he had to work. Mornings, in his opinion, were for savoring coffee on the balcony and soft songs on the radio. The unbridled screeching of Mrs. Kimble was blatant blasphemy at the unholy hour of seven in the morning. She started with why she was early, because there was traffic and she had to sit outside at six-thirty because Magnus wasn't there and he _really_ should have been there.

Magnus' temples ached so profoundly that his throat seized up with every throbbing pulse. He blamed Kimble's impiety for the migraine building behind his eyes and everything else wrong with the world. It took every ounce of strength Magnus had to not bury his face in his arms and plug his ears.

“—and _then_ he had the audacity to tell me that _I_ was unfit? I can't stand this anymore, Magnus.”

“Mr. Bane, please,” Magnus said, just for the satisfaction it gave him. “Mrs. Kimble, I fear your case may be beyond my reach. I have a colleague, however, who specializes in such _complex_ marital cases and I'd be happy to refer you to him.”

Kimble cocked her head, like a parrot learning a new word. She looked as strung out as she sounded, and on some level Magnus sympathized with her. Her marriage was falling apart and she wasn't guaranteed a happy ending, but there was a limit to what Magnus could handle and she had gone above and beyond it.

A collage of expressions crossed Kimble's face before it settled on astonishment. “So you're not going to help me?”

Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Kimble left no room for his words.

“It's been a month and you still haven't taken me on as a client, I should have known. You're a horrible man, Mr. Bane, leading me on like that.”

“I apologize, but my colleague—“

“Fuck you and fuck your colleague,” Kimble said. She picked up her bag and her pack of cigarettes off of Magnus' desk with a huff and slammed the door on her way out. Magnus flinched, causing the ache in his head to amplify.

With Kimble gone the office was blissfully quiet, but that bliss didn't last long as the construction crew across the street started their project before the sun became blistering. Magnus made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. Pitiful and in pain he made a cup of coffee. The addition of the coffee maker to his office was a necessary one, considering his work would keep him cooped up for days on end.

The caffeine was a momentary relief and Magnus rifled in his drawers for a migraine pill. He had far too much work to do to be incapacitated all day. He sat back down at his desk and let himself relax, deciding that he would give himself thirty minutes to wallow in misery before he needed to pick himself up and force himself to prepare for court.

* * *

 

By noon Magnus was able to get away for a small moment. The pain in his head had barely lessened but the construction crew had gone to lunch and Magnus figured he needed some fresh air if he was going to make it through the rest of the day. Lucky for him, Luke had also offered to buy lunch.

Luke picked the place which is why Magnus ended up in a small diner that he only ever visited with Luke. It was a quaint and simple thing, run by two of Luke's closest friends. Magnus waved hello to Ollie and her girlfriend who were behind the counter before he met Luke at their usual booth in the corner of the room. He was nose deep in a book that he immediately snapped shut upon hearing Magnus' footsteps.

“You look like hell, Magnus,” Luke said. He was blunt, but there were thin furrows of worry between his eyebrows.

“Thanks. Between work and my ex-wife I'm doing great.”

Work was getting steadily more stressful, most of that due to Kimble who would hopefully not be back. And Camille—she had been on his mind since she gave him the photo album. It was reckless and would no doubt lead to pain, but bad habits always came back.

“What does Camille want?” Luke asked.

Magnus started to shake his head, but thought twice about it. He shrugged instead. “To torture me, why else? She had me meet her to pick up a photo album that was entirely pictures of her.”

“When was the last time you talked to her before that?”

“Over a year. We kept in touch for a month or two after the divorce to settle everything and then she moved back to Paris.”

Those two months were much more unfavorable than Magnus made it seem as they included the two of them both living in hotels and one very unfortunate night that Magnus looked back on with more regret than the relationship itself.

“And she's just here all of a sudden?”

“She has properties in the city.”

“And she's just calling you up and asking to meet?”

“All the time.”

Luke leaned back in his seat, arms crossed. “Sounds like she wants you back.”

“I'd have to be crazy to go back to her,” Magnus said. No matter how reckless he wanted to be, taking Camille back was not an option. He didn't love her anymore and he had far too much pride.

“I'm not saying I agree—“

“Yes you are.”

Luke chuckled, having made his opinion about Camille apparent long ago. “You're right.”

In all of the years that Magnus had known Luke there were only a few times where he hadn't confided in the man. He never felt safer than he did in Luke's presence. There was a protective, lawful quality about Luke that made him a safe haven. It took a toll on him, sometimes, being a rock for everyone he knew. Magnus tried and tried to repay the favor, but no amount of steak dinners and friendly outings could make up for countless times Luke had stitched him up.

Luke talked more about his “kids” than he did himself. He sighed, but there was a fondness in his eyes. Clary, Simon, and Jace were tearing shit up at college as always and Maia had been distant and wouldn't talk to Luke, but he said that he knew she was torn about her most recent break up with Jordan.

Maia's relationship with Jordan was a troubled one, to say the least. It reminded Magnus of Camille, and he had urged Maia to be careful. Jordan liked to have control of things in a way that would never sit right with Maia, she was as independent as they come. He didn't like her hanging out with the guys or working at a bar and constantly questioned her whereabouts.

Jordan loved Maia, Magnus believed that. They had broken up before but that didn't stop Jordan from coming back. Maia took him back every time, too. Repetition hadn't solved their problems, though, and Magnus hoped the break up was for good this time. He didn't want to see Maia hurting like he had hurt.

“And the other two Lightwoods seem to want to give me gray hairs,” Luke said. “Isabelle is pushing herself at this internship that hardly pays anything and Alec is all over the place.”

At the mention of the eldest Lightwood Magnus leaned forward. “What do you mean?”

“He's got his hands pretty full right now. I'm afraid that one day he's going to drop something and blame himself.”

Alec hadn't seemed overly stressed when Magnus last talked to him, but then again Magnus had noticed that Alec wasn't the type to tell anyone when he was struggling. Magnus made a note to talk to him later, to maybe stop by the restaurant and walk him home again.

They had started doing that, Magnus would show up and walk Alec home. Sometimes they'd get coffee or tea or even grab something to eat far away from the bistro that neither of them wanted to be near. It was easy and simple and nothing more.

Luke's phone began to ring and he quickly picked it up. He spoke briefly and quietly with whoever was on the other line before hanging up and turning to Magnus.

“I gotta go. Clary needs something.”

Magnus doubted it was Clary who had called. Luke was never secretive about Clary's phone calls and often put them on speaker when with Magnus. He shrugged it off, though. If anyone was allowed to have secrets it ought to be Luke.

“Well, tell her I say hello.”

Luke stood and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. He placed his hand on Magnus' shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. “Will do. Take care of yourself, Magnus.”

* * *

After the day Magnus had, the minute he stepped foot in his loft he had a martini in his hand. His migraine had dulled to a throbbing pain but he had no intention of getting more than a little tipsy. He didn't want the migraine to carry over into the morning and a hangover wouldn't help his prospects.

Magnus didn't dress down or do much else to make himself comfortable besides kicking off his shoes. He slumped in a high-backed chair, willing the pressure in his head to subside. He had turned the radio on, the volume low enough to be soothing rather than aggravating.

Magnus didn't mean to let his thoughts wander, but it was inevitable when he was in a bad mood. It was like his brain sought out thoughts to wedge him further into his pit of misery.

Bad thoughts always led to Camille, there was no escape.

Their relationship had started out hot and passionate and Magnus thought that was all he'd ever need. They were in high school together and Camille was brought to America by her aunt. They'd been friends for a moment, but Magnus knew from the second he met her that she would be trouble. He didn't know to what extent, but she winked and he fell deeper into her trap.

Camille was defiant and coy, always charming her way out of detention or tardies with a flutter of her eyelashes and a saccharine smile. She was a bright light that Magnus found himself drawn to. She was illuminating and Magnus thought he stood beside her, sharing in the glow, when in reality he was behind her, always cast in shadow.

They were eighteen and in their senior year of high school when they got married. Young and dumb and so ready to be grown, to have something to live for. Yet Camille kept burning. It wasn't a hot burn, either, but the burn of frostbite.

They fought and made up at least once a month and then she grew distant. She was so withdrawn that Magnus had longed for a fight. He wanted her to yell at him, to curse him in a language he didn't know because he wanted _her_. If they were fighting she was paying attention to him and he yearned for her gaze, her touch. He wanted her to push him, to rake him with her words as cold as ice.

It got to the point where they were always fighting and not making up in the end. They'd fight while they were in bed, harsh words not made for lover's mouths biting through the air like pleasure. Magnus craved it.

It wasn't until someone pointed out what a happy marriage was supposed to look like, that Magnus realized that he and Camille had it all wrong. He saw the tender embrace of love and he found their relationship wanting. He tried to make it work, to make Camille see, but she had no interest for counseling.

“ _Why fix something that is not broken?”_ Camille would always say.

Magnus knew then, that there was something truly wrong. He talked to his friends, he talked to a counselor. He came to the conclusion that he couldn't live that way, fighting at all times. He wanted love; soft, hardy, weathered love. Camille wasn't wired that way.

He filed for divorce in early January, a New Year's resolution of sorts. He thought Camille would fight, would beg to fix things once she saw that Magnus was serious. He thought his heart couldn't break any more but it shattered when Camille signed the papers without a word and was packed by the next morning.

Magnus didn't know if it was the alcohol or the migraine or the generally shitty day he'd had that made him think of Camille. Or the photo album sitting buried under files on top of the coffee table. He hadn't looked through it since the day Camille had given it to him, but it was constantly in the way. Magnus pushed it off the table, sending paperwork and everything else flying.

Alec's book rested on top of the scattered mess. Magnus walked past it to make a drink, but turned around and picked the book up off the floor and set it on the counter. Already battered, Magnus didn't need to damage it anymore. He tore his eyes from the cover, unwilling to let the thought of the story or the thought of Alec soothe him.

The second martini was gone and quickly replaced with a third.

There was a time that Magnus was happy with Camille, but he was always just a plaything even on their best days.

Restless he paced his apartment. There was a weight in his chest that was all too familiar, a feeling he hadn't felt in a while. His fingers itched to call Camille. She was back from France after less than a week, no doubt bored with whatever kept her going back.

He hated that he knew that, but he did. He hated himself the moment he grabbed his bag. He was on his way out the door before he knew it, knives carving her name in his heart.

* * *

Camille lived in a fancy apartment building that looked more like a hotel. Magnus expected to be stopped at the door or the front desk but the employees watched with bored eyes as he climbed the stairs. He wasn't thinking straight, far from it.

Camille lived on the top floor, something she had been gracious enough to tell him in an after-midnight text message a few months after the divorce had been finalized. Once he reached her apartment he very nearly turned around and left. He didn't need to be there. He knocked but there was no answer. He knocked again and heard Camille beckon him inside.

Camille and her flavor of the night were on full display, spread out over the expensive couch. Wide eyed, Camille's lover stood. He didn't look a day over twenty.

“Out,” Magnus said, eyes finding Camille.

The boy tried to protest but once Camille's interest had shifted he was no longer needed and she told him so. He gathered his shirt and shoes and sidled past Magnus, cheeks aflame with embarrassment. Magnus didn't feel sorry, he was doing the guy a favor.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Magnus?” Camille asked.

Her silk blouse was unbuttoned and Magnus knew she didn't care. Her skirt was rucked up high on her thighs, too, but again, she didn't care.

Magnus didn't know what he wanted to say, but he was a lawyer and by default, good at bullshitting until he got where he needed to go.

“Why do you keep doing this?” Magnus asked.

Camille looked soft and inviting as she patted the couch beside her, but even as impaired as he was, Magnus knew better. No matter what she said or how she manipulated her disposition, she could never make the disguise reach her eyes. They were still as cold and calculating as Magnus remembered.

“ _Mon cher,_ you look awful. I'd offer you a drink, but you seem to have had plenty already.”

Magnus bristled at that, but he knew her. He knew that was how she got under his skin and burrowed there.

“Why give me the photo album?” he asked.

“I know how you treasure your mementos and I thought you might like to have it.”

“Of course,” Magnus scoffed.

“Tell me, though, what did you do with the necklace?” Camille asked. She twisted a lock of her hair around her finger, and innocent expression on her face.

“The necklace is none of your business,” Magnus said without a veil for the disdain in his voice.

“I never liked it much you know. It was far too gaudy for my tastes.”

“Why keep trying to pull me back in, Camille?”

Camille stood, her skirt falling back to her knees. She took slow, calculated steps toward Magnus like he was prey. And he was, standing there as vulnerable as he would dare. Magnus could smell her perfume and the cheap cologne the boy was wearing. He kept his eyes cold and on her face as she stepped closer, just shy of touching.

“I'm not trying, darling. If you feel a pull, then that is all on you Magnus.” Her eyes were honest about her manipulation.

Magnus stepped back.

“Just leave me alone,” he said. He wanted to leave. He felt a wave of nausea build up in his throat; brought on by the martinis, the migraine, or the realization that he had made a mindless mistake, he didn't know.

“You'll regret saying that when you realize no one else will have you,” Camille said to his back.

Magnus turned around like a fool to find her walking away, slipping her blouse from her shoulders. She looked back and it was once a sight that made Magnus crazy, but now he just felt sick. “Maybe when you understand that I'll be merciful and let you come back.”

Magnus turned on his heel and let himself out, desperate to get away. He didn't slow until he was several blocks from her and he only stopped then to heave in someone's sidewalk garden. The only flower left untouched was a solitary pink aster. Magnus didn't stay long enough to feel bad for the garden or the owner, he kept walking as soon as he was able.

He didn't have a plan in mind, he just let his feet take him wherever. It wasn't until he was standing in front of another, more welcoming apartment building that he realized that he had walked clear across town. After walking so far the mere distance of four flights of stairs were hardly a burden.

With no thought as to the time of night or whether or not anybody was home Magnus knocked. There was no answer so he knocked again. When there was still no answer he cursed himself and his subconscious need for validation. He was almost at the stairs when a door opened behind him.

“Magnus?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. Let me know what you liked, what you didn't, if something stuck out. As always, if you have any writing pointers feel free to send them my way.
> 
> Update ETA: Monday or Tuesday maybe. Later that week at the latest, maybe.
> 
> [histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com](https://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)


	6. violet sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time, no see? Oops. This story is going to go much slower than I imagined. This part may be riddled with errors but I was inspired to write and I felt that considering the wait it would be unfair to hold back the update any longer from those who have been asking for it.
> 
> Song for the chapter is: Where Do We Go From Here? by Ruelle
> 
> Chapter Playlist:
> 
> 5 AM - Amber Run  
> Something New - Axwell /\ Ingrosso  
> like that - Bea Miller  
> Ghosts - BANNERS  
> fragile - gnash (feat. WRENN)  
> Where Do We Go From Here? - Ruelle

As his birthday drew nearer, Alec busied himself with work. He took on shifts that put him way into overtime and didn't think twice about the pain in his legs or the exhaustion in his bones. Max noticed, because of course he did. He mentioned it to Alec, but the concern was brushed off with an excuse about Lydia needing help because it was a bad week for her.

That wasn't a lie. Lydia's husband had passed away a year ago to the date and she hadn't been herself all week. Alec was covering not only his duties as a waiter, but acting as the manager as well. Raj had stepped up, too, surprisingly gentle and considerate.

Together Alec and Raj kept the restaurant afloat.

Alec didn't care much for his birthday and didn't see much reason to celebrate. He cared about his siblings' birthdays and his friends', but he didn't want any fuss for his own. Or at least that's what he told himself.

He tried not to spend his time feeling sorry for himself, but every September Alec was transported back to a time when he was eleven. Things had been hectic at home, Max was still a baby and Jace had just been adopted, meaning that his parents had their hands full. Too full to remember anything special about September 12th. His mother had remembered late into the night and found him before he went to bed, wishing him a happy birthday and telling him he could have anything he wanted. He was young but the guilt in her eyes was clear as day to him.

Alec remembered asking for her to sing him a lullaby as his only gift. Maryse Lightwood was a business woman and often spared too little understanding for her children, but that night she sat on the edge of Alec's bed and combed his hair with her fingers, singing a song in a language that Alec hardly knew.

It was one of his happiest memories, coupled with the memory of his father forgetting him completely. Days had gone by and it wasn't until Jace pulled the family into the music room to play a song for Alec, a late gift but appreciated nonetheless, that his father had noticed.

Robert was more of a politician than his wife ever was. If she was ice then he was stone. Ice had the ability to melt, turning back into calming water. But stone? Stone only fractured and broke into jagged, dangerous pieces.

Robert had clapped a hand on his son's shoulder and wished him a happy birthday in a gruff voice, either not knowing or not caring that Alec's birthday had already passed.

Alec didn't care much after that.

His phone lit up with messages from his siblings and friends, wanting to know what he wanted, if there would be a party, whether or not he was working. He tried to find a way to tell them not to bother without sounding like he wanted attention.

Magnus had even asked him what he would like as a gift. Magnus, who had known him for less than a month.

It didn't seem like such a short time to Alec, though. Magnus had taken to stopping by the restaurant and walking Alec home, or chatting at the bookstore for an hour or so before they both had to go on about their days.

Alec wasn't one for small talk and Magnus didn't seem to mind. They complained about their jobs and talked about what was going on with their mutual friends. They talked about the books that they let the other borrow. Alec had gotten Magnus hooked on his favorite series just in time for the newest book to come out the day after Alec's birthday.

Alec had talked to Magnus more frequently than anyone else. He talked to his siblings every couple of days and he was in a group chat that never seemed to stop making his phone _ping_ but he didn't talk to them like he talked to Magnus.

It was nice. He liked Magnus.

Work was busy, but Alec liked it that way. Even if he was constantly stressing and staying late to make sure shit got done, he liked it busy. It kept him occupied and left little time to dwell on things like birthdays, parents, or budding friendships with beautiful men.

Alec didn't mind the fast pace until several other waiters called out and Lydia was nowhere to be found.

Alec strained himself, not having taken a break six hours into a never ending shift. He called everyone he could think of but no one wanted to come in on their day off, their sympathy for Alec ranking lower than their day of freedom. Alec buckled down and served breakfast, brunch, and lunch to more tables than usual and had no more than a millisecond for himself. His luck and coordination ran out at precisely the same time as he tripped with his arms laden with far too many plates to be safe.

Plates came crashing and Alec tried to save as many as possible, but his effort proved fruitless as he laid in a pile of broken ceramic. It's at that point that Lydia walked in with none other than Camille Belcourt, the owner, at her side.

Lydia rushed to Alec, examining him without a glimpse the plates. He had gained himself a few cuts along his bare forearms and stinging gash somewhere on his chin. Alec waved away Lydia's concern and began collecting dishes and debris alike. Lydia followed him to the kitchen where she raided the first aid kit on the wall and made him wipe down the cuts with an alcohol pad.

“Are you okay?” Lydia asked.

Alec could laugh. The injuries were truly nothing, but there was genuine concern in Lydia's eyes so he kept his humor to himself.

“I'm fine.”

“That's up for debate, Mr. Lightwood.” Camille had followed them as well, much to further Alec's mortification. “I paid good money for those plates. I expect the price to come out of your next paycheck in full.”

Alec froze in panic, mind a chaotic mess of numbers and dread. He had bills to pay and food to put on the table, he couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of withdrawal that would have on his bank account. He got paid just shy of minimum wage.

It wasn't until Lydia spoke up, righteous, that Alec realized that he had zoned out. His pulse fluttered in his throat and he could feel anxiety and anticipation make his fingers tremble.

“It was an accident. So many people called out today and I had to pick you up, he was basically running the restaurant on his own.”

Lydia typically didn't challenge authority, but her head was high and defiant, her eyes just a little scared. Alec's face gave away none of his feelings, as confirmed by the uninterested glare that Camille had given him.

“It is not often I give second chances,” Camille said. “One more mistake and you're out the door.”

Alec ducked his head, biting his cheek. “Thank you,” he said, words like acid in his mouth.

Lydia sent Alec to his lunch break and he took the time to walk to the coffee shop Magnus had taken him to the first time they had gotten coffee together. Alec ordered his usual and found a comfy chair in the back of the room, away from windows and other patrons.

Alec propped his feet up on an out of place ottoman, letting his head fall back against the chair. There was a stinging kind of pain behind his eyes but he relished in the feeling. He thought about texting Magnus, or even calling him, but the exhaustion had taken over and he couldn't bring himself to carry on a conversation or even vent.

With his mind in the wrong place and his body battered, he sunk into the chair, determined to soak up every minute he could get away from reality.

* * *

To say Alec was angry would be an understatement. He received a phone call about a lab experiment gone wrong just moments after clocking out for the day. Alec didn't know if he was more angry at the teacher for not giving clearer instructions or at Max for playing with chemicals. There had been a small fire and the entire building had to evacuate. The class room was damaged enough that Max's science class would be held in a portable classroom for the indefinite future.

Alec strode into the school still in his uniform. He entered the office where a handful of delinquent kids were sitting in scratchy chairs. Max and Julian were among them. Alec shook his head and signed the visitor's list. He sat next to Max who didn't say a word. Julian bade him a hello, but that was the extent of their pleasantries. Julian was worried, that much was obvious. His eyes kept flickering to Max, who kept his gaze pointedly on his shoes.

The principal came out and spoke with children and their parents one by one. The group trickled down to just Alec, Max, and Julian. The boys shuffled into the principals office with their heads down.

“This is a serious consequence, Mr. Lightwood and I need to speak to your parents.” The principal surely couldn't be serious. Max stiffened and Alec's throat seized. Alec's anger bloomed, bright red spots coloring his cheeks.

“You'll have to make do, sir. I'm Max's legal guardian.” Alec's tone was clipped and Max sank further into his chair.

“Are you the legal guardian of Mr. Blackthorn as well?”

“No, but--”

The principal, who was an older, balding man, had begun to lose his patience. “Then he will have to wait outside.”

Julian spoke up in a small but clear voice, “Sir, my uncle isn't coming. I think it's best if Mr. Lightwood stays with me.”

The principal sighed and Alec placed a hand on Julian's shoulder in solidarity. He detailed the events leading up to the fire and Max and Julian's parts in it. Max had not asked for clarification on the assignment and disregarded lab safety rules, and as his consequence was suspended for a week and barred from all lab activities. Julian had not encouraged Max, but had also not discouraged him, was was punished with detention for his inaction.

“Sir,” Julian began. “Is there any other punishment you can give me? In-school suspension? I have—outstanding responsibilities in the afternoons.”

Having had enough stress for the day, the principal disregards Julian's plea and with a stern word and disapproving look to Alec, sends them all away.

Alec stopped Julian once they were out of the building. “Hey, I'll get my shift changed so I can take care of the kids while you're in detention.” Julian nodded, but remained silent as they walked home together. Clouds blocked out the sun which had shone excessively earlier in the day. Alec could smell the rain in the air and it almost lifted his mood.

Max tried to convince Julian to come over, but he simply shook his head. Alec and Max walked farther in silence, only the sound of the door closing behind them breaking the monotony.

Thunder rolled outside and Alec sighed. He stepped into the kitchen and kicked off his dress shoes, hoping he hadn't scuffed them in his attempt to get to the school as quickly as possible. Alec said nothing as he loosened his tie and filled a glass with tap water

“You're not going to lecture me?” Max asked.

Alec sipped on his water, leaning back against the sink. He took a deep breath and counted to fifteen, not willing to let Max egg him on.

“The silent treatment, Alec? Really?”

“I'm thinking.”

“Oh of course.”

Alec set the glass down with a sharp _click_. “Do you _want_ a lecture Max? Fine. You were irresponsible. You could have hurt yourself or someone else. You started a _fire, y_ ou're always thinking way too outside of the box.”

“One of us has to.”

“I'm not even going to respond to that.”

Max crossed his arms. “I get it, I messed up.”

“There could have been serious consequences. We're lucky you weren't expelled.”

“ _We?_ ” Max asked. “Oh that's right, I forgot I was responsible for our reputation.”

Alec dropped his head, suddenly heavy with the weight of the conversation. “Stop.”

“You're just like dad,” Max said. That was a slap to the face that Alec hadn't been expecting. It hurt more than he thought it would have. It took him a moment to gain his composure, reeling in the defensive curled lip and the burst of hurt and anger those words elicited.

In a cool tone Alec said, “I'm sorry you think that.”

“I _know_ it.” Max said. He stomped off to his room, no doubt loud enough for the downstairs neighbors to fuss about it.

The weather mirrored Alec's mood right down to the stormy gray clouds and the biting wind. The lights flickered once before giving out entirely. Both the internet and cable had been down for a month and wouldn't make a reappearance for some time, but the electricity shouldn't have been turned off for a few more days. Alec had _called_ , he had explained that the bill was due two days before he got paid. All he needed was _two days_ , but either the electric company had forgotten about his extension or they had gotten tired of the same thing happening every other month.

The apartment was dark, the barest hint of gray light coming in through the curtains, and Alec was restless. He paced the apartment with bills in his hands and the cat at his feet. Books and clothes tripped him up every now and then and Alec picked them up along the way. Soon he had launched a full blown crusade, cleaning every inch of the apartment. He lit just enough candles to see the floor as he went.

The clothes were sorted into piles of dirty, clean, and clean enough. Folded, unfolded, folded again, but smaller. The dishes that had been stacking up were meticulously cleaned and dried and put away, the kitchen had been swept. Alec had even gotten on his hands and knees to clean the dust under the couch.

When even Jace would be hard pressed to find a single speck of dirt, Alec stopped. The feeling in his chest hadn't subsided despite his efforts. The urge to scream and rip out his hair and _run_. No, it lingered. It pulled at Alec's lungs with every breath, it tugged his twitching fingers.

Before Alec could think about his actions he had thrown on a jacket and sent a text to both Maia and Simon.

Running was good, cathartic. Alec had picked up the habit in high school, going as far as joining the track team to have an excuse. He ran when the house got quiet enough that the only sound was the frantic beating of his heart, he ran when the house was too loud to hear his own thoughts—when the fighting and yelling seemed endless.

The park was packed but the trails looping and twisting through the trees and around the pond were relatively clear of runners. Alec stopped counting after his fourth lap, only coming to a halt when Maia and Simon stood in the middle of the path. Sweat dripped from the curve of Alec's cheekbone and his hair had been effectively tangled. It was a rare sight for him to appear so wild, so manic.

He ran and ran and ran until his lungs burned too much for him to go on. He stopped by the store on his way home and bought more candles and more Chinese food than he and Max could reasonably eat.

He arrived back home and lit the candles and popped some batteries into the radio. He tried to get Max to open his door but to no avail. He left the food sitting on the floor and there was a quick _click_ as the bedroom door was opened and closed.

Alec ate slow in the silence, feeding the cat little pieces of meat when she looked up at him with her big eyes. The stove was gas, and thus not affected by the electricity. Alec warmed up old coffee in a small pot just for familiarity's sake, even if his stomach was too twisted to drink it.

Alec tried his hardest to be the best he could for Max. He had held Max through nightmares, he had fought tirelessly, endlessly, to give Max not only a stable living environment but all the love and support he could ever need. Their father had _never_ done that for them, least of all for Alec. He had never had a kind word to say, never showed his love or his pride. That was, if he even had any.

Alec couldn't be his father. He _wouldn't._ There was no part of that man that Alec valued, no part that he admired. Alec's heart kicked into overdrive and his throat closed. Alec had no love for his father, only resentment and anger.

Alec climbed into the shower to ease his thoughts and restless pulse. He turned the water to as cold as he could stand it and let the water chill him to the point that he couldn't feel a thing if he tried. Once he couldn't bare the cold any longer he shut the water off and scrubbed dry with a towel.

There was a brief knock at the door and Alec rushed to put jeans on to answer it. He stubbed his toe on his way and barely held in a pained yelp. He opened the door and there in the bright light of the hall stood Magnus, back turned and walking away.

Alec called out to him, voice loud in the nearly empty hallway. “Magnus?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update ETA: Honestly? Can't tell y'all when the next part will be up. Gonna be in and out of airports so it could be soon, but most likely not.
> 
> As always, commentary and criticism is appreciated. 
> 
>  
> 
> [histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com](https://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> As always I very much appreciate any constructive criticism regarding my writing or the characterization of these characters. 
> 
> Liked what you read? Want to see more? Comments go a long way! Tell me what you liked, what you didn't.
> 
> Update ETA: Within the week.
> 
>  
> 
> [histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com](https://histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)


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